Strangers
by Miss Peg
Summary: It's Maura's first night working with Detective Jane Rizzoli. When she spots something unexpected on her back seat at the end of a call out, Maura makes her an offer that brings them together, and in the process creates cracks in her previously wonderful life.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note : Back again...the final chapter of Bartender is already written and ready to be posted tomorrow evening. This story is another one I don't really have planned, so who knows where it will go, but I am intrigued by the concept so I hope you will be too.**

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"Doctor Maura Isles," she said, holding up her ID card on her way through the police tape. She searched the small crowd of uniformed officers and headed for the one who looked most senior. "Is the detective here yet?"

"Detective Rizzoli's always late," he said, folding his arms. She could see the frustrated crease between his eyebrows and wondered if this was what she had to look forward to.

Maura narrowed her eyes. "It's three o'clock in the morning, what could possibly be delaying her?"

He shrugged and returned to his conversation.

Maura sighed. She tapped the officer on the shoulder. "Officer…?"

"Bucks."

"Office Bucks, without Detective Rizzoli, I can't do my job. The more time that passes evidence could be disappearing before our very eyes."

He stared at his colleagues, his lips curved. She heard the distinct sound of a chuckle before he turned back to her. "Look, Lady, I'm as pissed at Detective Rizzoli being late as the rest of us. I ain't got a magic wand, and neither does your evidence."

"I'm well aware of that," Maura said. "There's no scientific evidence that magic is real. There is, however, scientific proof of the deterioration of evidence as time passes. If you won't call your superior and find out how long Detective Rizzoli will be..."

"You must be Doctor Isles." She turned. Standing behind her was a tall woman, with hair that looked like it could do with some attention, and large bags underneath her eyes. She held her hand out. "Detective Jane Rizzoli."

Maura stared down at her fingers, which were covered in some unidentified brown substance.

Jane shrugged and wiped her hand. "Sorry about that, I fell asleep eating a Hershey bar."

The hand reappeared between them, the stain barely wiped away. Maura narrowed her eyes and glanced back up at Detective Rizzoli, ignoring her hand. She opened her mouth, curtness in her voice. "I don't need pleasantries. Perhaps you can secure the scene so that we can all return to our lives?"

Sadness flashed across her face, the briefest of moments that Maura nearly missed. She made a note of it. So often she missed the smallest of cues, and she didn't much care to rub anyone's back up if she could help it.

They ambled across the front yard. Maura followed close behind as Jane spoke to Officer Bucks. Once he'd verified what he'd witnessed, she stood tall and commanded the power Maura expected.

"I know it's late, but canvas the streets. Speak to anyone you see. Find out everything you can." Officer Bucks rolled his eyes at his colleagues and laughed. Jane folded her arms and glared at them. "You wanna take your games elsewhere and send me some real cops, or are you gonna do your damn work?"

They marched off, a seriousness about them. When Detective Rizzoli turned her back, Maura could see them return to laughter and jokes. She was about to highlight it when Jane spoke again.

"You called your team?"

Maura nodded. "They're on standby down the street."

"Good." She nodded at the pair of gloves in Maura's hand. "You got any spares?"

Sighing, Maura pulled out a box and handed it over. She snapped the gloves over her hands and returned the box. Maura places it in her medical bag and took out two pairs of shoe cover.

"Thanks," Jane said, with an apologetic smirk.

Following protocol, Maura put on her shoe covers and gloves and followed Jane into the house.

By the time her team had arrived, she had gathered enough information to form a picture of the woman's final moment. She peeled off her sixth pair of gloves and disposed of them in a bag she kept in her pocket.

"You know," Maura said. "The likeliness of cross contamination of evidence is high when you wear only one pair of gloves."

Jane stared at her, her eyebrows tugged together. She looked almost disappointed. She cleared her throat, a wall went up. "I barely touched anything."

"You touched the door when we entered the room. You then trailed your fingertip across the mantle." Jane's facade crumbled with every indiscretion. "They say you're the best. Youngest woman to make homicide detective. Ever. I'll admit that from what I've seen tonight, you barely live up to your reputation."

Her words appeared to hit a nerve, and Maura felt a little guilty. "Watch yourself, Doctor."

"I'm merely reflecting on what I've watched tonight." She stepped forward and tilted her head, her eyes fixed on Jane's jaw. "Do you get headaches? Facial pain? Earache?"

Jane frowned, taken aback. "Sometimes."

"Bruxism."

"What?"

"Excuse me."

"I said what?"

"I heard you. I corrected you."

"Well, aren't you a barrel of laughs." Jane folded her arms again. "I didn't understand what you were saying."

"Bruxism. You grind your teeth. Presumably due to stress or anxiety. Common symptoms include facial pain, head and earache."

"Hey, I'm not stressed," Jane said, standing up tall, her jaw clenched.

Maura held her hand up. "I apologise. You appear to do it when you feel your authority is being threatened."

"How to win friends and influence people, hey," Jane said, rolling her eyes.

Maura could see her line of questioning was only causing further distress, so she changed tactic. "Sometimes it helps if someone else points out a problem."

"Yeah." Jane smirked. "And sometimes it helps if you shove an ice cube up your ass. But I wouldn't recommend it."

Aghast, Maura stared at her briefly before responding. "It _never_ helps to push an ice cube into your anus."

"Exactly," Jane said, turning tail and marching away.

On reflection, Maura could see exactly where she went wrong. She made the mistake time and time again, but she couldn't help it. She was frequently concerned about the medical needs of strangers. Knowing how expensive medical costs were, Maura anticipated that not giving someone the full facts as she established them could prove quite costly later on. However, it always sought to cause problems with building relationships.

"Detective Rizzoli," she said, following her back onto the street towards her parked car.

"I'm going home," Jane said. "Job done. Nothing more to do tonight."

"Wait," Maura said, stopping beside her car. "I just wanted to apologise, if I came across rude."

"If?" Jane scoffed.

"I'm sorry for being rude." Maura sighed. "I have a habit of diagnosing people."

"And then some." Jane glanced off in the opposite direction and turned to open her car door.

Maura cleared her throat. "I can appear rude, but I promise you that wasn't my intention. You, however, are now failing to recognise my attempt to apologise."

"I don't have time for his," Jane said, pulling open her door.

Lowering her gaze, Maura turned away. She felt sad that attempt to fix her mistake hadn't been well received. Under the dull light of the street lamp, Maura caught sight of someone in the back seat of Jane's car. She opened her mouth to speak when the small form moved, two child sized arms stretched up and they yawned.

"Detective Rizzoli."

Jane stopped midway into her car and stared at Maura. "Yeah?"

"Why do you have a child in your car? It's nearly five in the morning."

The frustration on her face crumbled, replaced with tiredness she partly recognised. It disappeared as quickly as it appeared. The brusqueness of Jane Rizzoli returned. "None of your business."

She resisted the urge to explain that any sign of child neglect or abandonment was the responsibility of anyone the child came into contact with. But she thought better of it. Detective Rizzoli was already angry and it wouldn't help matters.

Maura reached into her medical bag and took out a card and a pen. She scribbled on the back and handed it over. "If you ever can't find childcare at three in the morning, you should bring the child to my home. I have a three year old. My husband is very understanding and will be able to watch them both. He has all of the necessary checks, if that's what worries you."

Jane grunted, her face contorted with an expression Maura wasn't familiar with. She considered saying something more when Jane took the card and spoke. "Thanks, I probably won't need it, but thanks."

x

Seventeen hours later, Maura crawling into bed and wrapped her body up in the bedsheets. She closed her eyes. The day was long and her body ached with exhaustion that only came when she was called out in the night. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of the house and the street outside.

The faucet in the bathroom dripped. She made a mental note to get her contractor to fix it while he remodeled the downstairs bathroom. A car drove past the house. In the distance, a dog barked twice before silence descended once more.

Five minutes later, there was a loud banging on the door, followed by the doorbell. Maura closed her eyes tightly, hoping that whoever was disturbing their peace would go away. She expected no visitors and there were no reasons for a call so late. Another round of incessant knocking pulled her from her desire to ignore the caller.

Maura climbed out of bed and rushed down the staircase. There were very few reasons why someone might knock like that after ten, and Maura's heart could only think of the most dramatic.

"I'm coming," she said, as loudly as possible, without shouting over the continued knock. She pulled open the door, and on the other side stood Detective Jane Rizzoli. Resting over her shoulder was the small child, his tanned skin peered out from his hooded sweatshirt, a tuft of dark brown hair on show. "Detective Rizzoli, I wasn't expecting you to take me up on my offer quite so soon."

The wall that held firm earlier in the night crumbled a little, revealing behind it cracks that Maura could tell ran deep. Jane chewed on the inside of her lip. "I'm sorry for being a bitch earlier. I wasn't gonna come here. I don't even know you. But…I don't have anywhere else to go."

Maura held her arm out and stepped aside. "Come on in."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Notes : Wow! That was a surprising amount of reviews for the first chapter. I'm glad you've all joined me. If you're doubting whether this story is Rizzles, all you need to do is look at my track record. I wouldn't label it Rizzles if it wasn't going to be Rizzles. Patience, readers, not everything comes easily!**

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The living room was silent. Maura finished buttoning up her dress as she ambled across the room. She dropped a blanket onto the back of the couch and stared at Jane. The woman looked exhausted. Her curls were limp, on one side she had a patch of dried food tangled in her hair. She smiled briefly and unfolded the blanket, laying it carefully around her sleeping son.

"He is your son, isn't he?" Maura asked, continuing her train of thought aloud. Jane's eyes narrowed, her face contorted. "I mean, I just didn't want to assume."

"Yes." Jane cleared her throat. "Charlie is my son."

She opened her mouth to ask another question but Jane seemed distracted. She headed for the kitchen and prepared a fresh pot of coffee. It was too late to be drinking caffeine, but she was tired. Ordinarily she'd barely leave a stranger's side when they were inside her home, but she didn't feel threatened by Jane. Least not when she had a small child with her.

"Would you like a coffee?" Maura asked, carrying a tray with two mugs of steaming coffee, a pot of cream and some sugar. She placed it on the coffee table and perched on the chair beside the couch.

"Thanks." Jane picked up the mug and sipped it. Maura hesitated, her eyes trained on Jane as she emptied half of the mug. She shrugged. "My kid's a handful; if I don't drink fast I don't drink at all."

"In what way is he a handful?" Maura asked.

Jane rolled her eyes. "Are you a child psychologist by night?"

Maura narrowed her eyes. "I want to understand your life."

"Why?"

"Why not?" Maura leaned forward. "Why did you bring him to work?"

"You're overstepping," Jane said, standing up. She placed the mug on the coffee table and reached down to pick up her son. "I didn't come here for questions. I think it's time we were leaving."

Reaching out her arm, Maura rested her hand against Jane's. She jumped, then stopped, leaning over her sleeping boy. Maura was about to apologise for spooking her when she leant a hand against the back of the couch, her whole body slouched forward. She shook.

"Hey," Maura whispered, running her hand over her shoulder and across her back. She took her arm with her other hand and pulled her back. "Come sit in the kitchen. Charlie is sleeping. He'll be okay."

Jane stood up and allowed Maura to guide her across the room. She pulled out a chair and sat Jane down.

"Are you working tomorrow?" Jane shook her head. Maura walked over to cabinet and unlatched door. She pulled out a bottle of whiskey and retrieved glasses from the cupboard next to the sink. She dropped them on the table in front of Jane and poured their drinks. "As you well know I finished the autopsy today, tomorrow I have paperwork."

She sat down opposite Jane and topped their glasses with ice. She lifted her glass into the space between her and Jane. She waited, silently, until Jane raised her glass and allowed Maura to clink the side.

"To work colleagues," Maura said. Jane followed suit and sat back in her chair, teardrops glistened on her cheeks. "You're not working the case tomorrow?"

Jane shrugged. "I plan to call in sick."

"I see." An uncomfortable feeling fought for her attention but she brushed it aside. "Is your son sick?"

"I..." Jane leant on her elbows and breathed in slowly, letting out whimpered breaths. "He's not well."

"In what way?"

"Now you're a doct..." Jane's lips curved and she shook her head. "I guess you are."

"I'm not a paediatrician; I don't work with living patients. But I do have an understanding of health conditions that reach far beyond that of the average person."

"Charlie..." Jane began.

The sound of a child crying filled the house. Jane sprang to her feet and glanced around. She stared at Maura as though seeing her for the first time, which only unsettled Maura further. She ignored the continued cry, even when Jane headed back across the room to her son.

Maura chased after her. "Where are you going?"

"I forgot you had a kid." She barely glanced up as she scooped Charlie into her arms. He opened his eyes briefly, then his head rolled against her shoulder and he drifted straight off to sleep again. Maura noted how much older he looked under a better light. "I don't want to disturb your life."

"Please don't go," Maura said, reaching out to Jane's arm again. Before her she saw a woman in need of some help, and even though she didn't know what it was she needed, she felt compelled to step up. "My daughter is, of course, my priority. But my husband is capable of caring for her needs."

"Doesn't matter," Jane said, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Maura asked, rushing to her side. "Do you have somewhere you can go?"

Closing her eyes, Jane turned toward the wall and leant her forehead against it. She grunted softly, her shoulders shook again.

Maura returned her hand to her back. "I have a guest house. There's only one bedroom, but you're welcome to spend the night. However long you need."

The shaking of Jane's shoulders only increased leaving Maura feeling sadder. She tried to speak but Jane's whimpering distracted her. Eventually, Jane turned and spoke. "Why are you being so nice to a total stranger?"

"You're not a stranger," Maura said, touching her wrist. "We're colleagues."

"We met like twelve hours ago."

She resisted the urge to correct her. "You need help. I can help. What other reason is there?"

She scrunched up her face and cleared her throat. "He's getting heavy, point me in the direction of the bed?"

x

The next morning Maura stretched, her toes reached the far end of the mattress and her arms collided with the bed head. She was tired. The interruption to the start of her night was unexpected. Her daughter woke a handful of times. She made a note to register the nightmares in her daughter's sleep journal. She headed for the shower, and dressed in silence. When she crept past her husband's bedroom, he poked his head around the door.

"Did we get a visitor last night?" he asked, his heavily accented voice boomed across the space. "Guest house light is open."

"It's on," Maura said. "Yes. A colleague from work."

His smile grew wide. "I see."

Maura shook her head. "She's here with her son."

"Oh." He scratched the back of his head and pulled on his robe. "Then I should make pancakes."

"We ran out of flour yesterday."

"It is omelette," he said, exiting the bedroom and heading for the bathroom. "Let your colleague know and I will be down in a ticky."

Maura raised her eyebrows, smirking. "I'm not even sure what you were trying to say then."

He shrugged. "You always get strung up with words. Live free, my Maura."

She headed downstairs and peered through the window across the yard, the light was still on. She made a mental note to ask Jane how much sleep she'd had.

Maura ambled across the yard, and knocked lightly on the door. Jane opened it a moment later. "Please come into the main house when you're ready. Alejandro has made breakfast. Bring your son."

"Alejandro is your husband?" Jane asked, filling a glass with water and taking a sip. She shrugged. "I don't wanna disturb your life."

"My husband is up, my daughter won't be far behind; it's breakfast time." She stepped forward, insistently. "He likes to cook for people. He'll be disappointed if he can't."

"Lucky," Jane said, disappearing into the bedroom. A minute later she returned with Charlie in her arms, his head on her shoulder and his legs tucked around her sides. "What's for breakfast?"

"Omelette," Maura said, opening the door. "Alejandro's speciality."

Jane hesitated in the doorway. "Do I have to talk?"

"Of course not." Maura motioned across the yard. "You don't even need to eat with us if you'd prefer to bring a plate into here."

Jane shrugged. "I guess I should meet the man worthy of marrying you,"

Laughing, Maura opened the door to the main house and stepped to one side. Jane walked inside. She followed her, cautious that any false move might cause her to run. She headed into the kitchen area.

"How is breakfast?" she asked. With one eye on Alejandro, Maura kept her other one trained on Jane.

She lowered Charlie onto a chair. She stared across at the little girl sat on another chair and stood with her hands on the back of Charlie's seat, watching Maura's daughter chew on a piece of fruit. She was about to introduce her, but she waited.

"Hey there," Jane said, perching on the chair beside her son.

"Hello."

"What's your name?" Maura's daughter stared at her. "Okay. I'm Jane, I'm a friend of your mommy's, and this is my son Charlie."

"I'm Isabeau."

"Isabelle?" Jane asked, glancing across the room at Maura.

She was about to walk over when her daughter answered confidently. "No. Not belle. Beau. I'm French."

"You're not French, Isabeau," Alejandro shouted from his spot by the hob. "You're Greek. Your name is French."

"My name is French," she repeated,

"It's a very pretty name," Jane said, her lips curved at the edges.

"Would you like salad with your omelette, Jane?" Alejandro asked.

She shook her head. "Just the omelette is fine, do you have any more fruit? Charlie won't eat egg."

"Smashing choice," he said, chuckling away to himself. Maura groaned, though her lips still curved at the edges. He raised his eyebrows at her. "Too much?"

"Always," she said, smirking. She took a banana and an apple from the fruit bowl and placed them on the table. "What about milk? Does he drink milk?"

"He has intolerance to lactose," Jane said.

"I have oat milk."

"Maybe just a little," Jane said, running a hand across Charlie's dark brown hair. "He's never had it before."

"Do you talk?" Isabeau asked, staring at Charlie. He stared back.

"Isabeau!" Maura and Alejandro said in unison. She shrugged, and Maura continued. "Maybe Charlie is just tired."

Jane shrugged. "He doesn't talk."

"Oh." Maura headed over to the table and sat opposite him. "Has he ever talked?"

Jane cleared her throat and peeled the banana, handing it to Charlie. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore. Eat your banana Chuck."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Notes : Thank you, your responses have continued to be amazing. For those that aren't aware - on the main fanfic page where there's the info about each story posted, at the end it usually says J. Rizzoli, M. Isles. When there's square brackets around it [J. Rizzoli , M. Isles] that means Rizzles, and that is what I refer to when I say my story is labelled as Rizzles. I don't label Rizzles in all story summaries because it's not always relevant to do so. The ship label should be sufficient.**

 **I've had a tiring/busy couple of days, even though this chapter was ready I haven't been able to post. My car has been at the garage so travelling to/from work has been so much harder, which makes me tireder when it comes to home time.**

 **Oops accidentally posted the bartender chapter 3, hopefully it updated before anyone got confused!**

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"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands," Alejandro sang, clapping his palms together. He sat cross legged on the floor when Maura walked in, their daughter sat opposite. She stared at him, a look of petulance on her face. "If you're happy...you have to join me!"

"Isabeau not happy," she said, pouting.

"Why not?"

"Charlie left."

"Jane and Charlie have gone?" Maura asked, walking across the room. She stared down at Alejandro, waiting for some confirmation. She'd gone to work with the assumption that Jane and her son wouldn't go anywhere. "Where?"

"I have no idea," Alejandro said. "They left at lunchtime."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"And say why?" He stood up, patting Isabeau on the head. "She's an adult I can't make her stay."

"Did she at least leave a number?"

He narrowed his eyes and marched toward her, his eyes fixed on hers until he was inches from her face. He smiled, lowering his voice to barely a whisper. "You liked her."

"She's a colleague who needed my help."

"So?" He shrugged. "You're upset that she's gone without telling you. You didn't want her to go."

"That doesn't mean I like her." Maura brushed her hair back from her face and headed over to Isabeau. "Bath time."

"No bath!" she shouted, kicking her legs as Maura lifted her into the air.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli is rude and obnoxious," Maura said, struggling to tame her rambunctious daughter. "But she needed help."

"Tell yourself that," he said, smirking. He reached his arms out and Isabeau clung to his neck until Maura let her go. "Bath time!"

"Bath time!" Isabeau repeated.

"If you're happy and you know it," Alejandro began, only to be cut off by Isabeau's grumble. "If you're sad and you know it clap your hands."

She lifted her hands from around his neck and smashed them together. "If I'm sad clap my hands."

Maura folded her arms across her chest and followed them up the stairs. "Why is daddy's bath time better than mine?"

"He splish splashes," she said, leaning over Alejandro's shoulder. She reached an arm out to Maura. "But I love you most, Mommy."

x

Maura put two bowls of rigatoni on the table and sat down. "I just don't understand why she wants you to do everything."

"I am home with her every day," Alejandro said, filling two glasses with wine. "If reversed roles were at the house she would want you instead."

Rubbing her temple, Maura sighed. She could feel a headache come on. "She's never liked me, not like she likes you."

He shrugged, chewing a mouthful of pasta before swallowing. "She's daddy's girl. She still loves you. She told you herself."

"I just..." Maura rubbed her head again. "I feel inadequate sometimes."

Alejandro nodded his head, scooping several pieces of food into his mouth before his bowl was practically empty. "You worry too much. By next week she will hate me."

"She could never hate you, you're her father."

He raised an eyebrow. "Like you never hated your father?" He forked the last of his meal into his mouth, downed his glass of wine and stood up.

"Are you in a rush?"

"I have to go places," he said, kissing the side of her head.

"Ah." Maura sat back and ate her food slowly. "Ramone."

He shrugged. "What can I say? The dog needs play."

Maura's head pounded so hard she felt a wave of sickness. Her fork clattered into the bowl. "Will you be bringing him here?"

"Probably not." He took his shirt off the back of a chair and slipped his arms into it. He buttoned it slowly. "Ramone has a new loft. He is cooking."

She resisted the urge to raise her voice, and instead it came out as barely a squeak. "I made you dinner."

"I'll be hungry man," he said, kissing her head again, a huge grin spread across his face. "Don't wait for me Argentina."

x

Maura emailed a copy of the lab report, from a previous case, to Detective Korsak, and filed it away. She put a note on file about a delay in closing a second case, and replied to a couple of emails. By lunchtime, a call came in about a suspicious death in South Boston.

"Detective Korsak," Maura nodded her head as she approached the police tape. "What do we have?"

"Sixty-four year old woman. Neighbour called it in, said it looked suspicious. He thought he heard gun shots. Our luck it was a rookie who got called out and decided to call homicide before he entered the property. He probably heard a car backfire, looks like she died of natural causes to me."

"Looks like how?" Maura asked.

He shrugged. "You tell me. Smells like she's been dead for days."

She snapped on a pair of gloves and entered the premises. The woman sat in a chair opposite a television that continued to play an old movie. She narrowed her eyes. "Did somebody turn down the volume?"

"Uniform."

She shook her head. "Does the academy not teach rookies about chain of evidence, Detective?"

"I'll have a word."

He headed back out of the room, leaving her to do a sweep of her surroundings. She noted the empty food dish on the floor, and searched for the cat she presumed it belonged to.

"Any guesses?"

Maura turned suddenly at the sound of Jane's voice. Given the potential natural death before her, she hadn't expected her attendance. Neither detective needed to be there. She cleared her throat. "I don't guess, Detective Rizzoli. I follow evidence."

"Same difference," she said. "So, what does the evidence tell you?"

"The body is almost certainly past the stage of rigor mortis, as you can probably tell from the putrefied scent and the colour of the skin. Do you know what that means?"

Jane shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"I told you," Maura said.

"Jeez, Doctor Isles, it was a joke."

She didn't feel much like laughing, particularly given how unusual their current situation was. "She's been dead for at least thirty six hours."

"I'll let Korsak know."

"You can also let him know that it's unlikely this woman's death is anything but natural." She nodded towards the food dish. "Somebody probably wants to feed the cat, though."

She peeled off her gloves and left the room.

After sending her team to complete the recovery, she carried her medical bag to her car. She placed it in the trunk and turned back to the driver's door to find Jane stood there with her hand on her hip.

"That's all you've gotta say?" Jane asked.

Maura narrowed her eyes. "I wasn't aware there was anything more to say. The deceased will be examined further and a full report completed. She will be released to her next of kin in due course."

Jane shrugged, ignoring her own original question. "Look, I just wanna thank you for yesterday."

"I trust that everything is okay now."

"It will be, I hope." Maura looked into her eyes, carefully analysing her expression. "I'm sure it will be eventually."

"You don't sound too sure," Maura said, opening her car door.

"I bounce," Jane said, smirking.

Maura frowned. "Nobody truly bounces, Detective Rizzoli. We're malleable, but damage sits far deeper than we realise."

"Are you trying to psychoanalyse me?"

"I'm not trying to do anything. I offered you my help, you took it, then you left."

"I appreciate it," Jane said, giving Maura's arm a gentle squeeze. "Let me buy you a drink sometime to say thanks."

She stared down at her fingers, wrapped gently around her upper arm. She cleared her throat. "Perhaps."

"You don't want to?"

"You don't need to repay me," Maura said. "I didn't ask for payment."

"I didn't offer payment." Jane lowered her hand to her side. "There's not many females round here, you know?"

"I'm well aware."

"It'd be good to have a friend."

x

When Maura entered her house later that day, she stopped abruptly. Standing in the middle of the kitchen was a man with oversized muscles and olive skin. He'd lost his shirt, presumably on the floor where a pile of clothes lay. He turned around, not noticing her presence, and bent over, showing off the very round and pert curves of his buttocks through a purposeful hole in his pants.

"Alejandro!" he shouted, flexing his body, his brusque Boston accent evident.

Maura cleared her throat. "Excuse me?"

He sprang to his feet, cupping the front of his pants as he stared at her. His eyes darted from Maura to the stairs and back again. He reached a hand out. "Maura, I presume? I'm Ramone."

"It doesn't take an aerospace engineering degree to have worked that out." She ignored his hand, and raised her voice. "Alejandro!"

"What's aerospace engineering?"

Maura pressed her lips together. "Rocket science."

A quick pounding on the stairs resulted in Alejandro entering the kitchen a minute later, wearing only his underpants. Maura crossed her arms and stared at him.

"Sorry!" He rested his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry we were going to guest house sex."

She pushed his hands away, her face contorted. "Where, pray tell, is our daughter?"

"Play date." He shrugged. Maura glanced at her watch, it was nearing six. "Overnight play date."

"You didn't think it pertinent to check with me?" Maura asked.

"Ramone has night off. He's working all the hours until next week."

She sighed and turned around. "Fine."

"I see you're fury," he said, stepping up behind her.

She shrugged off his attempt to touch her again, and whispered. "I won't have this conversation in front of your friend."

"Sorry," Ramone said, heading out the back door without another word.

Maura twisted round so fast she felt a little dizzy, but she was too furious. She lifted her finger out in front of her and pointed it towards Alejandro's chest. Her voice came out louder than she intended, and her chest heaved. "Did you really think it appropriate to send our daughter on a sleepover so you could have sex in the guest house?"

"I don't see problem," he said, nonchalantly.

"She is three years old!" Maura stepped back and tried to reclaim her breathing. "It's her first overnight with someone who isn't family. Why did you think I would be okay with you approving that without asking me first?"

"It's no big deal, she was having fun."

Another bout of fury filled her and she couldn't find the words to express it. She stood still, her eyes fixed on Alejandro's.

"You're mad." He stared back. "Why? You've had men here. You've had women. Isabeau has been asleep in the bedroom, with you in the guest house with someone. Why is this different?"

"I..." she tried to speak but words caught in her throat. In many ways she knew it was the same, but there was something bothering her and she couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. She groaned loudly and marched off up the stairs. "Keep your games out of the house."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Notes : Thanks again for all of the comments and following this story along, I hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

* * *

"Knocking!" Alejandro said, tapping on the bedroom door.

Maura ignored him and rolled back over. She'd heard him ambling about the house but when she checked the time it was barely six. With no toddler to contend with and a late start at work, she opted to sleep. Something she was rarely afforded since becoming a mother.

"Knocking!" he shouted, his voice louder. When she didn't reply again, he continued. "I can hear thinking."

"Impossible," she muttered under her breath.

"Ah-hah!"

She pulled her pillow over her head in an attempt to block him out, but no lack of sound could stop her awareness that he was waiting outside her bedroom door. She tossed the pillow to the end of the bed and sat up.

"I have breakfast!" he said, tapping once more on the wood.

She sighed. "Come in."

He pushed down on the door handle and made his way into her room. He balanced the tray in his arms and lowered it onto the bed beside her, crawling along after it.

"I'm sorry for jerking off."

All too aware of the normal usage of that phrase, Maura attempted to hide a smirk. "Do you mean sorry for being a jerk off?"

"Is that not same?"

"No." She slid across to one side of the bed and allowed him to sit beside her. "I'm not mad about Ramone. I know you like him."

"I do." He lifted the tray over their knees and picked up a slice of toast. "Eat,"

"Decisions about when Isabeau takes important steps in life should be taken between us." She cut into a croissant and covered it in jelly. "I know you meant well, and I don't have a problem with her having a sleepover."

"Just you want to know."

"Exactly." She picked up the croissant and chewed on a corner. She rested her head against Alejandro's shoulder and sighed. "If you want to introduce Ramone to Isabeau, I'd understand."

"No!" he said, biting into a slice of bacon. "We agreed."

"We agreed many things," Maura said.

He cupped her cheek and kissed the side of her head. "What we have is special. I won't give up you for anything."

x

At lunchtime, Maura walked across to the Dirty Robber for lunch. She's only been there a couple of times before, and was never too sure of how well she fitted in. Uniformed officers ate burgers, detectives dined on onion rings, fries and low alcohol beer. Or so she believed. Everywhere she turned Boston Police Department employees were there.

"What is the lowest calorie item on the menu?" she asked, stopping a woman carrying a tray across the bar.

She shrugged. "Menu's on the table."

"I..." Maura stopped. The woman was already across the bar, her tray placed on the counter and she proceeded to transfer dirty glasses onto a different tray. Maura sat down and stared at a menu.

"The burgers are made from scratch," someone said. Maura lifted her head to find Jane standing with her hands on the back of the seat opposite. "I know this place looks like a place with greasy food but I promise you the burgers are decent."

She glanced down at the menu and noted seven different options. "Which one would you recommend?"

Jane pulled out the chair and sat down. "I have the full works, double bacon, double cheese."

"Double heart attack." Jane stared at her aghast. "I'm sorry. I have a tendency to diagnose."

"I noticed," Jane said. She stood up. "If you want something a little healthier then The Skinny comes without a bun and with potatoes instead of fries. Catch you later."

She turned and headed back across the bar. Maura watched her for a moment, regretful at so many things that had happened over the last few days. "Detective Rizzoli?"

"Yeah?" Jane turned and headed back to the table. "It's Jane, by the way, you let me sleep in your guest house. The least I can do is let you drop the Detective Rizzoli nonsense."

"I would hardly say it's nonsense."

"You know what I mean."

"Would you care to join me?" she motioned to the seat opposite, the chair still pulled out. "I could buy you lunch, or just a drink."

She glanced back at the table she was headed towards, then proceeded to wander off. Maura narrowed her eyes, too gob smacked to speak. Her mind whizzed backwards through the exchange, before she could fully analyse it, Jane appeared from behind a booth with a plate and a glass of cola.

"That won't help your bruxism," Maura said, nodding at the glass. She sighed. "I'm sorry. I can't help myself."

Jane shrugged, placed her burger and cola on the table, and sat opposite. "You know what your problem is?"

" _Excuse me_?"

"You're trying too hard," Jane said. Maura considered this for a moment, and realised that she wasn't far wrong. She was about to attest to the fact when Jane spoke again. "People would like you the same, if not more, if you weren't so by the book."

A crease formed between her eyebrows. "There's nothing wrong with by the book. Wars begin when people ignore the rules."

Smirking, Jane leaned forward, chewing on her fries. "Wars were not won by following the rules."

She raised her eyebrows and shrugged. "I suppose you're right."

Jane waved a hand in the air. "Let's get you that Skinny burger. I want to hear more."

x

"The giant picked up the little girl and told her all about the Tiny Human Kingdom, and then he carried her off to her new life. The giant returned to his castle and every so often he took things to the girl, because even though she was three feet tall and he was twenty feet tall, the difference in their sizes never mattered. And they both lived happily ever after." Maura closed the book. Isabeau rolled onto her side. Maura froze, watching her closely, ensuring her eyes were closed and she was settled. She pulled the bedsheets up around Isabeau's shoulder and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Goodnight my sweet girl, Mommy loves you."

She ambled down the stairs a few minutes later. Alejandro sat on the couch watching a black and white movie. Maura picked up her jacket, purse and keys and hovered in the doorway.

"I'm going out."

He lifted his head and switched off the television. He turned. "Where?"

"I'm meeting up with Jane."

He raised his eyebrows. "I see."

"Don't look at me like that. We're colleagues, maybe we'll be friends."

"Maybe you'll be more." He stared at her, his lips curved at one side. "You deserve all happiness."

Maura walked across the room. "Please don't talk about this as though it's more than it is."

"Why?"

"We're friends." She felt anger rising up, unnecessarily. She breathed deeply, forcing her mind to return to happier thoughts. Alejandro's smirk barely faltered. "Why is it so important to you?"

"It...is not..." he looked from Maura to the floor and back again. He shrugged. "You ate together for lunch. Most people do not see other twice in same day."

She pressed her lips together. She didn't have feelings for Jane. That much she was certain of. They'd barely spent any time together and Jane had been quite rude with her. There was no reason why her actions should be questioned. "You're overstepping, Alejandro."

"I don't mean to." He marched forward, placing a hand against her elbow. "Jane could not do the best with you."

" _Excuse me_?"

"Could not do better!" He shook his head. "Sorry. Wrong words. Jane could not do better than you."

"I appreciate your sentiment," Maura said, tilting her head to one side. "What I don't appreciate is your pushing this on me. I don't like Jane how you think I do. We're colleagues who are spending time together outside of work. That is all."

"If you say that is what is."

She could see the doubt in his eyes. The curve of his smile housed something more, she couldn't tell what it was but it unsettled her somewhat.

"I won't be late," she said, turning tail and heading for the door.

x

Laughter filled the small booth, emanating across the space as Jane's joke filled her with an insurmountable happiness. She sat back, the words washed over her and the feeling settled somewhere deep inside. She opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't explain how much it meant to her to have such an instant connection with a new friend. She could find words but she knew they would come out wrong, and she would appear desperate in her attempt to forge a new friendship.

"Sometimes I hate working with a load of men," Jane said.

Maura nodded. "Forensic pathology and the adjoining fields are also swayed more towards the male population. I was the only female resident during my training. I was surprised to find Senior Criminalist Chang was female."

"She the woman who works in the lab?"

"Yes, we work quite closely together." The night had been going so well, and yet, Maura felt a sense of sadness. She tried to shake it off, sipping her glass of wine to distract her wandering thoughts. "Tell me about Charlie."

Jane balked. Silence followed. Maura regretted asking. She could see the tightness in Jane's jaw. "What about him?"

She hesitated, eventually changing tack. "Where is his father?"

"You're assuming he has a father," Jane said, emptying her beer. "He has a sperm donor."

"You're gay?" Jane's laughter filled the air, piercing Maura's hearing. She felt under a microscope. "I'm…sorry if I offended you."

"I didn't mean literally," Jane said. "He and I slept together, I got pregnant, he left town. There's not much else to say."

"Oh. I'm sorry." She sighed. "There are many inadequate fathers out there, my own included."

"Would have helped if I gave him the chance," Jane said, lowering her head. Maura regretted her line of questioning again. She was about to open her mouth to apologise but instead rested her hand across Jane's wrist. She looked up. "Don't do that."

"Sorry," she said, pulling her hand away.

"No." Jane stared at her, her eyes wide, and somewhat doleful. "Don't look at me like you feel sorry for me. It's my own fault. I could have told him. I should have. He's a decent man and he deserves to know his son."

"Then why haven't you?"

"He left before I got the chance." She ran her fingertip around the rim of her glass and forged a smile. "I could have tracked him down. I should have. But by the time I stopped being angry at him for abandoning us, too much time had passed and I felt like it was too late. Five years go by so fast."

"It's never too late." She rested her hand back on Jane's wrist. "I was adopted. I know how hard it is not knowing where you come from. If you have the power to give Charlie a piece of his puzzle, don't leave it too long."

"I didn't realise you were adopted."

"Why would you?"

"I dunno." She placed her other hand over Maura's. "You're a nice person, your husband is very lucky."

She tugged her hand away and busied herself with their empty glasses. She stood up. "I'll get us some more."

"Wait," Jane said, but Maura wasn't ready to have that conversation. Nobody she'd ever told understood why she did what she did. Or why she let it go on for so long.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Notes : This fic feels like it's running away from me a little, so I'm going to have to reign it back in, which means rewriting the next chapter to calm it all down a little. It also means this story will probably have sequels, because there's things here that need a lot more space to breathe. If I try to fit it all into these short chapters, it will stifle the story that developed first and foremost.**

 **Funnily enough this story was supposed to be about Jane, now she's got the side story...**

* * *

The ground crumbled under foot, the summer heat burned down from above. Maura applied a layer of sunscreen and changed out of her heels. The parched land stretched as far as the eye could see, in the distance, she could hear people moving through the brush.

"Finally," Detective Korsak said, appearing from between two trees. He motioned back through the trees and she followed. He slung his jacket over one arm; large patches of sweat covered his shirt.

"The fire department has completed their work?" Maura asked, clambering over an exposed root. "I'm concerned they're still here."

"Fire's been out for a while. They're confident it's safe to proceed.

The dense path opened up to a clearing, and a large, mostly charred property. To the side, a road headed out in the opposite direction through the scorched trees. A burnt out car blocking the way.

"Hey Ma...Doctor Isles," Jane said, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her slacks. "BFD found three bodies in the house, and two in the car."

"We've got our work cut out," she said, lifting her medical bag onto a rock and taking out some gloves and shoe covers.

Korsak headed over to the Fire Chief, leaving Maura and Jane to wander around the blackened property. Maura glanced cautiously at the building, half standing.

"I hate fires," Jane said, lowering her head.

"Most people do." Maura stepped across ash and bits of burnt wood. She crouched down, and pulled a piece of furniture off a small animal, her heart heavy. "This family didn't stand a chance. If the dog didn't make it out, what hope did everyone else?"

"They're over here," Jane said, stepping through a damaged but still standing doorway.

Maura followed. On the other side were two bodies, huddled together in a corner. She felt her emotions flood her, threatening to overwhelm her. She brushed the painful thoughts aside.

"There's reason to believe this is homicide?"

"The family had a dispute with a young man, Mr Chris Hughes, who worked on a property a few hundred yards away. His employer said he's missing. He left the property when Mr Davis Moore swung by, they got into a physical altercation. Moore left and shortly after Hughes followed. Thirty minutes later they saw smoke coming from Mr Moore's property, and called the fire department."

She stared across the burnt out property. "There's extensive damage considering the time frame."

"We're still trying to establish how many people lived here. Davis Moore had a wife and two children. Their neighbours don't know of anyone else living here, but we've got five bodies."

"Meaning Chris Hughes either caused the fire, or he got caught up in it," Maura said, filling in the blanks.

"This is what happens when you talk about a quiet day," Jane said.

Maura laughed, then cut herself off. She crouched in front of the two bodies, badly damaged by the fire. "I'm sure mentioning a quiet day doesn't really have any effect."

"No, but I was thinking all morning how quiet it was." Jane hovered beside her. "Then Korsak said the magic word."

"Now we have potentially five murders to solve."

"Potentially?" Jane folded her arms. "What are you thinking, Doc?"

"I'm thinking about last week," Maura said, glancing at Jane. She stood up. "How nice it was to share conversation with good company."

"I meant about the case."

"We won't know if it's definitely murder until all investigation has been completed." She stepped across to the other side of the space and crouched down beside the third body. "I will need to do further analysis, but from what I can see, the mother is huddling a child. The father is on the floor a few feet away."

"How do you know?" Jane flicked through her notes and motioned towards the bodies. "If that's Davis Moore, then that's Lucille and Henry Moore. He's thirteen."

"The skeleton, even severely damaged by fire, can tell us a lot. Detective Rizzoli."

Jane followed her back through the burnt out property and across to the road. "I enjoyed it too."

"That's positive to know," Maura said, standing in front of the driver's side of the car. "How old is the second child?"

"Seventeen."

"What about Chris Hughes?"

"Twenty."

Maura peeled off her gloves and replaced them with a fresh pair. She leaned into the vehicle and picked up a surviving leather purse. "Real leather."

"What are you thinking?"

"How nice it would be to do it again soon," Maura said, taking out what looked like a melted lipstick and a foil condom wrapper. "And how likely it is that this is the daughter, and Chris Hughes leaving in the car, and this is the reason why Davis Moore was arguing with him."

"You sure you're not a detective?" Jane asked. "You've gotta be guessing."

"The body tells more stories than anyone could guess," Maura said. She lifted the purse, and its contents up and Jane took a plastic evidence bag from her pocket. "The size of the body is a great indicator on gender, though I won't know for sure until I've taken a closer look. The charred remains make it difficult to determine. We got lucky; the leather could have burnt completely."

"Gotcha."

Maura peeled off her gloves and disposed of them. She picked up her medical bag and carried it back towards Korsak. "I'm satisfied with the conclusion that these deaths are suspicious. It's going to be a long process, but I'll complete the autopsies this week."

"What about tonight?" Jane asked, following close behind.

"I can't possibly complete five autopsies in one afternoon," Maura said, aghast.

"No." Jane laughed. "I meant drinks. Why don't we pick up where we left off after work?"

"I would need to go home and put Isabeau to bed," Maura said, contemplating the suggestion. "But I could meet you by seven thirty?"

"Great! I'll text you the place."

x

"No baby butts!" Alejandro shouted as he exited Isabeau's room. Maura, on her way out of her own room, stopped at the top of the stairs and stared at Alejandro. He shook his head. "She keeps taking clothes off."

Maura smirked and walked over. "It's eighty-five out; let her go to bed without her clothes if she wishes."

"What if she gets cold?"

"Then she gets cold."

"But she's a baby!"

She ran a hand across his upper arm and kissed his cheek, cupping it with one hand. "Alejandro, she's three. She's not a baby anymore. Leave her pyjamas on the floor beside the bed and if she changes her mind, she can put them back on."

He stared into her eyes, his own filled with sadness. She stroked his cheek and turned away, heading for the staircase. She could hear Isabeau laughing in her bedroom, and warmth spread through her. Alejandro gripped her arm and she turned back towards him.

"Read her a story, tuck her in, she'll be fine," Maura said. He just stared at her, leaving Maura feeling uncertain. "What's wrong? Ramone is coming over, isn't he?"

He shook his head. "Yes. Ramone is coming in one hour."

"Isabeau will be asleep by then."

"I want a new one."

Maura frowned. "A new what?"

"Baby." He held her shoulders, his eyes fixed on Maura's. "Can we have new baby?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked, pushing his hands away and heading for the stairs. "I have to go. Jane is expecting me."

"I'm serious, Maura," he said, following her down and into the living room. "I want us to have new baby."

"This is completely out of the blue." She reached for her purse, her hands shook. She gripped the strap tightly to steady herself. She felt flustered, taken completely unawares. "I don't know where this has come from, but it's preposterous."

"Why?"

"Why?" Maura twisted round so fast she nearly lost her balance. "Our living arrangements are not…we can't…Alejandro."

His eyebrows tugged down at the sides, his lips curved downward. "Maura."

She opened her mouth to respond, but words caught in her throat. They'd talked about having another child, once. They put the idea to bed. Or so she'd thought. She cleared her mind, forcing her racing thoughts to one side. She pushed past him and headed for the front door. "I have to go."

x

The glass of wine was a welcomed relief from the incessant thoughts going through her head. Maura sipped it, faster than usual. She tried to pace herself but the more time that passed the more she struggled to get her mind off her thoughts.

"Are you even listening to me?" Jane asked. She held her beer in one hand, her eyebrows raised.

"Sorry." Maura put her glass on the table and refocused her attention on Jane. "What did you say?"

"What's up?"

"The ceiling," Maura said, glancing above their heads. A disco ball was secured a few feet away, and the slightly dimmed lights shone in various directions. She pointed across the room. "There's an abandoned helium balloon with the number twenty one on it, presumably from someone's birthday."

When she looked back down at Jane, her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. "I meant what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Maura said, shifting about in her seat. She took a large mouthful of wine, regretting it a moment later when she started coughing.

"That's not nothing."

Maura sighed. "If Charlie's father was around and he asked you to have another child, would you?"

"No." Jane shrugged. "Why would I? We barely even know each other."

"If you did."

"If your husband wants another baby just say it."

"He does." She shook her head. "It was so unexpected. We haven't talked about it since a few months after Isabeau was born."

"What did you decide then?"

"That we wouldn't. Neither of us had siblings growing up. We were content with Isabeau being an only child."

Jane narrowed her eyes. "What changed?"

"Ram…" she stopped. She regretted starting. Jane stared at her, expectantly and Maura wasn't willing to continue, at least not with that line of conversation. She downed the rest of her drink to give herself a moment's pause.

"Maura…"

"I don't know."

"You were gonna say something, what was it?"

"It was nothing." She could feel frustration rise inside of her and she didn't like how it made her feel. She instantly regretted the tone of her voice, but she couldn't help it. "Please don't ask me anything more on the subject."

Jane shrugged. "Fine."

They sat in silence. Jane emptied her glass of beer and headed to the bar. Maura sat and watched her across the room. She'd said more than she ever intended to and the world had yet to implode. The bar was busier than Maura had expected when they walked in. In the silence, waiting for Jane, she focused on her breathing. The methodical act of breathing in and out slowed down her fractured mind, until Maura felt a sense of calm.

Jane placed a glass of wine on the table in front of her. "Thought you could use this."

"I said I would only have one," Maura said. "I'm driving."

"You work a mile away. I've seen your house; you've clearly got a bit of extra cash lying around. I'll drive you home, but you can afford a cab tomorrow." Maura attempted to protest, but the first glass had reached her brain and the thought of getting a little more lost in a fog was appealing. She lifted the glass up. Jane tapped hers against it. "To complicated lives."

Maura swallowed a mouthful of wine and leaned forward. "You never did explain what was going on in your life."

"Which part?" Jane placed her glass on the table, her shoulders slouched forward.

"Why was Charlie sleeping in your car?" Jane shrugged and hunched further forward, her eyes fixed on Maura's wine. "I've told you something about me. It's your turn."

She sighed and glanced up, catching Maura's eye momentarily before she looked away. "Apartment fire. Six months ago. We got temporary accommodation but the insurance company is dragging their feet. We're in our third place. That night we were between places, we had a motel room but my card was declined. We couldn't stay the second night like intended."

"I'm so sorry," Maura said, leaning forward. "That explains why you hate fires. If I'd known I never would have pried."

Jane shrugged. "We just can't catch a break, you know? One minute we're in a great place, the next they tell us we have to leave, but we can't find somewhere else fast enough."

"Isn't there anyone else who can help? Family?"

"Nup." Jane shook her head and stared off across the bar, sipping her drink. Maura could see the wistful look in her eye. "No family.

* * *

 **Author Note : Bet you didn't see that coming, hey?!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note : I didn't get to do any writing today, so I'm not sure when the next chapter will come. Hopefully soon. It depends how inspired and motivated I feel tomorrow morning on my journey to work, that's prime writing time!**

* * *

"Get your shoes on Isabeau, Jane and Charlie are expecting us at the park in twenty minutes."

She leant against the wall outside Isabeau's bedroom door and waited, and waited. After another couple of minutes, Maura sighed and looked around the doorframe.

She sighed. "What are you doing? Why did you take your clothes off?"

"Hot!" she said, pouting.

"I know it's hot," Maura said, kneeling down and picking up her shorts. "That's why we're going to the park."

She kicked her legs as Maura attempted to lift her into the shorts. "Too hot!"

After nearly being kicked in the face, Maura put her daughter down and folded her arms, her tone of voice increased from relatively frustrated to assertive. "Isabeau Alexandra Roda-Isles, you will stop ignoring mommy and you will put your clothes on."

"No!" she screamed, lying flat on the floor. "No clothes!"

Maura sat back against her heels and sighed. She tossed the t-shirt and shorts onto the bed and opened the nearest drawer. Slowly, but surely, Isabeau's interest piqued, and she crept across the floor towards the chest of drawers.

"Hmm," Maura said, picking out three different shorts and t-shirt combinations, including one for swimming. "Which ones should we choose?"

Isabeau stood up and wrapped an arm around Maura's neck. She leant across and pointed to one of the outfits. "Swimming!"

"We're not going swimming," Maura said. "But if you want we can go to the fountain at the big park and you can get wet."

"Yes!" she shouted, picking up the clothes and dressing herself quickly.

"Ready?" Maura asked, holding out her hand. Isabeau slipped her tiny fingers into hers and they headed out of the bedroom and downstairs.

x

"Charlie!" Isabeau shouted, running across the grass and jumping on the boy. He stared at her, his eyes creased. "Swimming, Mommy!"

"What did I say?" Maura said.

"No swimming. Founden."

"Yes. We will go to the fountain later, but first we're going to go to the pond."

Charlie lifted his head and stared at Jane. She nodded and ran her hand across his hair. "Yeah, kid, let's go see the ducks."

Isabeau ran off across the grass, shouting Charlie's name. He stared up at Jane. She scooped him up and onto her back. "Alright, but you're gonna have to start walking again eventually. Hi, by the way."

"Good morning," Maura said, slinging a pack onto her back. "How are you?"

"Got to leave another place early next week," she said, shrugging.

"Already?" Isabeau continued to run across the grass. "Don't go too far, Beau!"

She turned around and raced back. "Come on Charlie!"

He shook his head and rested his cheek against Jane's shoulder. Jane tapped him on the arm and lifted him down. "Hey Chuck, it's time you had a go at playing."

He didn't move. Isabeau gripped hold of his hand and tugged. Jane pushed him gently, but he stood firm on the floor.

"Come on, kid," Jane said, sighing. "Just try."

Maura watched him carefully, analysing his behaviour as Jane tried to encourage his participation. When she eventually picked his foot up and tried to move it forward, he spun round, a high pitched scream followed the thrashing of his hands.

"Alright, I'll stop," Jane said. She knelt on the floor, her eyebrows tugged down at the sides. She cupped his cheeks and he settled quickly. "I'm sorry."

She lifted him onto her back again and stood up. Isabeau took that as a sign to set off and she ran ahead. Maura hesitated, one eye on Isabeau as she ran off into the near distance, the other on Charlie as he clung to Jane's back.

"Does that happen often?" she asked.

"It's fine." Jane shrugged. But Maura could tell it wasn't. Charlie whimpered against her shoulder. Jane slouched forward in defeat. "Isabeau's a ball full of energy, isn't she?"

"Yes," Maura said, quickly moving on. "I think she gets it from Alejandro."

By the pond, Jane dropped Charlie onto his feet and he clung to the railings. She rested a hand on his back and stared out across the water.

"Come here, Isabeau," Maura said, guiding her to the space beside Charlie. She took her pack from her back and retrieved a packet of bird seed. She tipped half of it into a plastic container and handed it to Isabeau. She hesitated, holding the packet out. "Will he?"

"'Course," Jane said, taking the packet and handing it to Charlie. He tugged it open and tossed the seed out across the pond. He moved voluntarily, something Maura didn't expect. He sidestepped along the railing in search of the ducks a few feet away

"How old is he?" Maura asked.

"He's four."

"He's small for his age."

"Believe me that was a surprise for me too, his dad's at least six foot."

"Why doesn't he walk or talk?" Jane's jaw tightened. She tensed up beside her, but Maura continued. "Has he ever walked or talked?"

"Yeah." Jane leaned down against the rail and held the packet, allowing Charlie to easily toss the seeds into the water. The ducks flocked around, gobbling up the food. For the first time since meeting him, Charlie's lips curved, though he barely cracked a smile.

They stepped back from the rail and sat down in the grass. Jane ran a hand through her curls and rubbed her eyes. She stretched her arms out and yawned, crossing her legs.

"I imagine it's very difficult," Maura said. "Having a child who is not gaining the independence expected at his age."

"He's not always like that," Jane said. She shrugged and picked at the grass. "Sometimes."

"Does he sleep alone?"

Jane beheaded a daisy and picked the petals off one at a time. Maura sat back, placing her hands in the grass to support herself. Isabeau emptied the last of her container onto the floor on the other side of the railing and glanced around. She moved closer to Charlie, but he tossed the last of his seed into the air and giggled as the birds swooped in.

"I don't really wanna talk about it."

"It appears to me like you're ignoring the issue," Maura said.

"I'm not." Jane tossed the petal-less flower back into the grass. "I live with it every day. Kinda hard to ignore."

"Founden," Isabeau shouted, running towards Maura.

"Not yet, Beau," Maura said, holding her hand out. Isabeau took it and sat down beside her. "Charlie wants to watch the ducks a while longer."

"No fair."

"He does love those ducks," Jane said, her face brightened. She pulled a few pieces of grass up and dropped them back down. "He's got dozens of duck toys. If he doesn't have Mr Duckface at bedtime he screams the place down."

Involuntarily, Maura's brain flicked through the medical information she had to hand. She considered the options, rechecking the suggestions she had, before she returned to the one that stood out the most.

"Have you considered getting him tested for Autistic Spectrum Disorder?"

Jane sighed and stood up. She walked across to the railing and pulled Charlie back. "Come on, kid, we've got to go."

"Go where?" Maura asked.

"You wanted to go to the fountain, right?" Jane asked, shrugging.

"I'm going to take your silence as assumption that you have considered ASD."

"You're doing that diagnosis thing again." Jane stared at her, her eyes glistened under the sun. Maura regretted her questioning. "I don't like it, Maura, and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop."

"I'm trying to help."

"Yeah." She shrugged. "So have three other doctors. He's had tests. He's been poked and prodded like a doll. They've tried speech therapy, they've tried physical therapy, they've tried everything they can think of. Damn nearly bankrupt me."

"Have they tried psychological therapy?"

"My son is not crazy," Jane shouted.

"I'm sorry." Maura stood up and reached her hand out, gripping Jane's shoulder. "I don't believe that he is. I can see how difficult this is for you. I want what's best for you and your son."

Jane brushed her hand away. Maura could hear the anger in her voice, but the defeat worried her more. "Why won't you get that this isn't helping us?"

"Okay." Maura reached for Isabeau's hand. "At least let me give you a referral to a wonderful paediatrician I know."

Jane lifted her hands to her hair and gripped handfuls of curls; she let out a guttural sound and clenched her fists. "I just need you to stop and let us enjoy the day. Ask me anything else but not about that."

Pressing her lips together, Maura knew she was crossing a line, but she continued anyway. "What about your family?"

Jane gritted her teeth. She crouched down and scooped Charlie into her arms. "Or that. Let's go, Chuck."

"Jane," Maura said, reaching out to her hand.

She snatched it away. "What?"

"You're like a closed book."

"That's me." She shrugged.

"Why won't you open up?"

"Why won't you?"

She allowed silence to descend upon them; a stalemate of unwillingness to say something more. Maura pulled Isabeau closer and swung her pack onto her back. She hated herself for pushing Jane too far, for not knowing when to stop. She regretted the sadness in Jane's eyes.

"My marriage isn't what you think it is," Maura said, her voice small and barely audible. But Jane lifted her gaze, and she could see the cogs turning in her mind. Before she could respond, Maura pushed Isabeau forwards. "Let's enjoy our day. When we get a moment without the children, I can tell you my secrets, and if you'll trust me with them, you can tell me yours."

x

"He's asleep," Jane said, exiting the guest house bedroom and sitting down on the couch beside Maura. "Thanks for letting him get some sleep."

Maura sat forward. "He'll be okay here while we're in the house?"

"Should be." Jane shrugged. "It's the only time he walks by himself, if he wakes up and he wants me."

They sat in silence for a while. The gentle sound of Charlie's heavy breathing filtered through from the bedroom. Maura rested the baby monitor on her lap, and let Isabeau's breathing merge with Charlie's.

"You barely even know me," Jane whispered. Maura turned her head. "Why are you helping me so much when you barely know me?"

"Should I wait to know you better before offering a helping hand?"

"This isn't what normal people do."

"I'm not normal." Maura stood up. "Let's eat."

Suddenly the front door opened wide and Alejandro barged into the room, Ramone's arms wrapped around his body, their mouths merged. He tugged at Ramone's shirt, pushing it away from his shoulders, as Ramone unbuckled Alejandro's bulging pants. Maura lowered her head and cleared her throat. That moment was everything she didn't want to happen, yet there was nothing she could do to change it.

"Oh!" Alejandro shouted, pushing Ramone away and covering the front of his pants. He stared from Maura to Jane and back again, an apologetic smile spread across his face. "I thought you were out."

"What the hell is going on?" Jane asked, standing up, her mouth agape.

Maura sighed and stood beside her. "Alejandro, Charlie's sleeping. He'll be here for couple of hours until Jane's ready to leave; you'll have to go into your bedroom."

"My bedroom?" Alejandro frowned. Ramone silently buttoned up his shirt. "No sex in house, that's rule number one."

"If you're able to keep the noise down, I'll allow it," Maura said. "Just this once."

Alejandro tugged Ramone's hand and they disappeared out of the guest house without another word. Maura was about to set off across the yard when she noticed Jane staring at her, confusion etched across her face. "I'm hungry, let's cook."

"We're just gonna pretend that didn't happen?" Jane asked, following her out of the house. "That your husband wasn't kissing a man? That you didn't just send him to his bedroom to have sex with someone who isn't you?"

"I'll make dinner," Maura said. "Then I can explain."

"Can you?" Jane scoffed. "I'm not sure anyone can explain what just happened."

"I meant what I said earlier, Jane." Maura pushed open the door to the main house and allowed Jane to step inside ahead of her. "My marriage isn't what you think it is."

"Like hell it is!"

* * *

 **Author Note : I know there's still a lot of unanswered questions, and I promise you, in the next chapter you will get some more answers, not all, but some.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Notes : Another chapter...I got more done today than I expected, two chapters and I'm about to write some more. I'm hoping tomorrow will be just as, if not more, productive. I have lunchtime to write in, as well as the journey to/from work. It's Thursday when writing will be less possible. I hope you are happy with this one...**

* * *

Tortellini cooked in a pan, the water bubbled up, covering the hob with a thin layer of water. Maura emptied the contents of a jar into a second pan and stirred the sauce until it thickened and bubbled. While the food continued to cook, Maura placed two glasses on the kitchen table and poured some wine.

"I have beer if you'd prefer?"

"Wine's fine," Jane said, taking a large mouthful as soon as Maura moved the bottle away. "You're dragging your feet, Maura."

"I am not!" She placed a bottle stopper into the neck and returned the wine to the counter. "I pick my feet up a sufficient amount to avoid dragging."

Jane groaned. "I mean you're delaying, you're avoiding telling me what you said you would tell me. How are you so calm knowing your husband is upstairs having sex?"

Maura pressed her lips together. She turned away from Jane and took two bowls from the cupboard, emptying their dinner into them. She sprinkled on some grated cheese and carried the plates to the table.

"How long have you known about this?" Jane asked, once Maura had sat down. "Do you have some sort of open marriage?"

The barrage of questions overwhelmed her. Every fear she'd ever felt about people knowing sped to the forefront of her mind. She closed her eyes and listened to the methodical sound of her own breathing.

"Alejandro is gay," Maura said, biting the bullet and revealing the first piece of their story.

Jane shrugged. "No shit!"

The response, though dramatic, was not filled with any note of derision. Maura's nerves settled slightly. In the distance, she could hear Alejandro and Ramone. The whole situation was somewhat of a joke. She couldn't stop the laughter that followed.

"What's so funny?" Jane asked, leaning forward, chewing on a piece of pasta.

"My life," Maura said. "I married a gay man so his family wouldn't find out and now I'm sitting having dinner with a woman while my husband's upstairs."

"I'm not sure I see the funny side," Jane said.

"No, I suppose not." Maura's laughter dissipated. She picked up her bowl. "Can we eat in the guest house?"

"I'll grab the wine."

Once they'd settled at the small guest house table, Maura drank a large mouthful of wine and settled herself. "Alejandro comes from an Orthodox Greek family. His mother wasn't best pleased about him marrying a heathen, I can only begin to imagine what she would have thought about him marrying a man."

"Their loss, he's a good man." Jane shrugged. "Why are you a heathen?"

"I believe in science, not deities." Maura took another sip of wine and considered her next words. "If he didn't marry me he'd have been under constant pressure to settle down and have children."

"You mean you knew when you married him?"

"Yes."

"What?" Jane's eyebrows tugged together. Maura couldn't quite tell whether she showed signs of judgment, or merely confusion.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe?" Maura asked. "Alejandro and I were dear friends. We still are. We built a life together. It may not be conventional, but it's our lives and I have appreciated every moment."

"I'm all for living your life the way you want to." Jane shrugged. "I just don't understand why you're so okay with being married to a gay man!"

"Do you have a problem with gay men?" Maura asked, placing her fork into her bowl. Her appetite dissipated. "Or women for that matter?"

" _No_." Jane rested her elbows on the table, her eyes fixed on Maura's. "Of course not."

"Good." She ignored the warning bells ringing in her mind and pushed them to one side. If she was going to be honest, she was going to have to be completely honest. "Maybe now is the time to tell you that I have also had same-sex relationships."

"Excuse me?"

"I've slept with women."

"You're gay too?"

"No." Maura sighed. "I don't like to use labels. I am me and I have been with both men and women."

"Okay." Jane glanced at her, her eyebrows raised, her lips curved at one side. "It's not what I was expecting. When I first met you I thought you were just a happy married couple."

"I know." Maura pushed her bowl aside and emptied her wine glass. "I was under similar pressures from my own family to marry and start a family. It made sense."

"How?"

"I wished to live free from the pressures of my family and society. Alejandro needed his family off his back; he needed a green card..."

"I'm gonna stop you there." Jane leaned further forward, her tone hushed. "If you're gonna admit that you've falsified documents to allow someone to enter this country illegally then I'll have to arrest you."

"It's not like that." Maura sat back, unsettled by the seriousness of Jane's threat. "I love Alejandro and he loves me. Our marriage is meaningful, and I would attest to that in a court of law if I ever have to."

"But you sleep with other people?"

"Yes." Maura took Jane's bowl and piled it on top of her own. "The majority of marriages end in divorce. Twenty two per cent of men and fourteen per cent of women have committed an adulterous act. Would you rather we marry each other and hide our sexual desires while having unfulfilling sex with each other?"

Jane smirked. "Have you ever...?"

"Yes." Maura stood up and carried the bowls across to the sink. "A handful of times."

"Even though he's gay?" Jane followed her, her empty glass in hand. She took the stopper off the wine bottle and refilled it. "It doesn't bother you?"

Maura ran the bowls under the faucet, and filled a fresh glass with water. "There is a spectrum of sexuality. Very few people are one hundred per cent gay or straight, and bisexuals are unlikely to be fifty-fifty."

"I need a drink," Jane said, staring at the wine in her hand. Despite saying so, she didn't drink.

"I realise this is a lot to take on board." Maura motioned towards the couch. "Shall we? Unless you'd rather leave, I understand if this means our friendship cannot continue."

" _What?_ No." Jane trailed her fingertips across Maura's wrist. "Maura I'm not going to drop you just because your marriage is unconventional."

Maura sat down. "I'd understand if you did."

Jane stood beside the couch, her hands in the air. "I slept with my partner on an undercover assignment. He joined a Federal Task Force, and I had his kid. You don't need to talk to me about unconventional."

Maura leant forward as Jane sat down. "Charlie's father was a colleague?"

"Can we get back to the bit about how you slept with your gay husband?" Jane asked, smirking.

"Why?"

"Is that how Isabeau came along?"

If Jane's response had been anything less than accepting, she would have shut her down, but something over the last half hour had settled her nerves and she felt an openness she'd never felt before.

"Yes, as a matter of fact." She crossed her legs and rested her hands on her knee. "We only slept together a couple of times at the start of our marriage. I think Alejandro thought that if he was going to be married to a woman, he had to go the whole way. It was years before we considered children. We were going to go down the syringe route. But considering we'd already shared an intimate relationship, we opted for the old fashioned way. It only happened a couple more times. We were lucky."

"I feel like my head is about to explode," Jane said, laughter in her voice. She rested her elbows on her knee, her fingers inches from Maura's. "Does Isabeau know?"

"No." Maura shifted her position. "She's too young to understand."

"And the guy he's with, is he just a fuck buddy?"

Was he? She didn't really have an answer. Ramone had been around longer than she cared to remember, which unsettled her in ways she didn't expect. "They've been together for a while."

"You plan to stay together?" Jane asked, sitting back against the couch. She turned her head to the side, her eyes fixed on Maura's. "To death do you part?"

"I never expected it to last fifteen years," Maura said.

"Fifteen years?" Jane narrowed her eyes. "I assumed it'd been like five."

"Time moves faster than I'd like."

"Ain't nothing more truthful than that," Jane said, still staring at Maura. "Charlie's five in a few months. He's growing up too quickly."

Maura leaned back and turned to face Jane. "I feel the same about Isabeau. She's far more like her father than I expected. But that's what happens when he's the main caregiver."

Jane swiped her hand across her cheek, brushing fresh tears across her skin. Her voice was quiet, unsettled. "You ever regret anything?"

"With Alejandro?" Jane nodded. "No. Our family has brought me great joy. I couldn't imagine life without them."

Jane cleared her throat and sat up. She placed her half empty glass on the table and stood up. "I should get Chuck home."

"You don't need to," Maura said, standing beside her. She reached a hand out to her arm. "You're welcome I stay here. You probably shouldn't drive after nearly two glasses."

She stuffed her hands into her pockets and shrugged. "I don't wanna impose."

Maura laughed. "I think you've imposed quite enough tonight, what's a little more?"

"Thanks," Jane said, taking her hands out of her pocket and reaching out. Maura wrapped her arms around her and they embraced.

The moment passed what Maura considered an acceptable length. She stepped back. Jane's eyes glistened, new tears skirted down her cheek. Maura leaned forward and brushed them away.

"I wish you would talk to me."

She lowered her head and closed her eyes. "I've never had anyone to talk to. I'm not sure I know how."

"That's okay." Maura cupped her cheeks and leaned closer. "I never knew I could find a friend like you."

"Friends, yeah," Jane said, sighing. She cleared her throat and pulled away. Swiping at her face, Jane turned and headed towards the bedroom door. "I'm gonna call it a night. Thanks for dinner."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Notes : Another day, another chapter. Thankfully I have more time to write tomorrow than I was going to as my car has to go in to get the battery replaced, which means I'm stuck on buses, which means more writing time for me! I'm ahead of myself anyway, I have up to chapter 11 written because my brain is moving quickly again. I hope you enjoy...**

* * *

The next morning Maura woke to a pounding head and a feeling of regret. Something didn't sit right inside of her and she didn't quite know what to make of it. She ambled down the hall to Isabeau's bedroom, but she was still asleep. Downstairs she filled the coffee machine and poured herself a bowl of cereal. Sunshine gleamed through the window and she made a note to remind Alejandro about sunscreen.

Across the yard, she could see no sign of movement. She filled a mug of coffee and carried it into the guesthouse. She knocked on the bedroom door, which swung open.

The room was empty. She slouched onto a dining chair beside the kitchenette, and sipped Jane's drink.

At the office, she took out her cell, hoping to see Jane had been in touch. To no avail. She sighed. The night before she'd spilled her heart and now she wondered if it had all been a big mistake. She opened up the messaging app.

'Hi Jane, I was surprised to see you'd left this morning. I hope everything's okay. Maura x'

A few minutes later, her phone lit up.

'Had to get to work. Busy day. Catch you later x'

She sighed and lowered her head into her hands. Nothing about Jane's message said she wasn't happy, nothing said she was going to step out of her life as quickly as she came in. Yet there was still a niggling feeling which unsettled Maura.

'Lunch? x'

'Sorry, too busy'

She tried not to read too much into her words. To the lack of the x they'd quite naturally fallen into using. She didn't want to analyse every little detail. But her mind had always gone against her wishes.

'I can bring lunch to you x'

'I've got a sandwich'

'Are you sure everything's okay? After last night...'

'Its fine.'

There was no satisfaction at Jane's reply, and Maura could see no real reason to question her further. Except a desire to keep the conversation going. She contemplated walking up the stairs to the third floor and finding Jane herself, but if she really was as busy as the claimed, she didn't much fancy being at the receiving end of Jane's frustration.

Instead, she worked. The recent fire had produced a mountain of paperwork, for which she felt no motivation. Yet she persevered.

By the evening, Maura was exhausted from pushing herself so hard. Her brain ached, her thoughts fractured. She rolled into bed shortly after putting Isabeau to sleep.

'Hey, how are you? x' she wrote, sending the message to Jane.

Instantly, she received a reply.

'Ok. Charlies asleep. You?'

'Same. Isabeau is sleeping too. What are you doing? x'

It took a few minutes for her to reply.

'Watching baseball x'

Maura stared at the brevity of her response, and felt disappointment. She longed for a message of much greater length, and wondered how to reply. Jane hadn't asked her what she was doing, yet she told her anyway.

'I'm lying in bed reading,' she picked up a book from her nightstand. 'It's called Night at the Beach, it's a thriller. Isabeau wouldn't go to sleep tonight; I guess it was because I was feeling antsy. She knows how to play off my weaknesses x'

'Why antsy? x'

'Last night x'

'Oh'

Maura stared at her phone. Another wave of disappointed mixed with the concern she had about Jane. She didn't know what to say next, if anything. She didn't know what to do. She felt helpless, a slave to her inability to socialise effectively, and lost in a world she didn't fully understand.

She opened the book and attempted to read, but she kept glancing at her cell and hoping Jane would reply. Eventually, she returned the book to her nightstand, no further than she'd been half an hour earlier. She rested her head on the pillow and tried to sleep.

x

The loud, incessant sound of her cell phone ringing pulled her from her sleep. At first she thought it was her alarm, but the sound was different and it kept on and on until she retrieved her phone from the nightstand.

"Jane?" she asked, glancing at the caller information before answering. "It's midnight, what's wrong?"

"There's blood everywhere," Jane said, her voice fraught, her breathing laboured. "It was just a bump, why is there so much blood?"

"Jane," she whispered, maintaining a modicum or calm. "Jane, tell me what's happened. I can't help you if you don't explain."

"He banged his head. I thought it was just a bump but there's blood all over the covers."

Maura climbed out of bed, her heart raced as she rushed around the room and dressed. "Apply pressure to the wound. Send me your location; I'll be there as soon as I can."

She banged on Alejandro's bedroom door. Eventually, he appeared in his underwear, rubbing his eyes. "Work?"

"Jane," she replied. "Charlie's hurt."

"Go!" he said, closing the bedroom door.

She raced downstairs, stopping in the living room to pick up her medical bag, and out the front door. The drive over was slow, every light turned red just before she reached it. By the time she reached the apartment building, Maura felt the need to sleep, but like she'd done many time before she brushed it off.

The building was run down. The elevator had an 'out of service' notice on it and the corridors were filled with discarded belongings. Maura stepped past a bird cage and a packet of condoms on her way up to the fourth floor, and shuddered.

"Finally," Jane said, moments after she'd knocked on the door. It squealed on its hinges. Jane rushed back into the apartment. "He's in the bedroom."

Charlie's screams followed Jane into the hallway. Maura raced behind her, clutching her medical bag. In the bedroom, a small patch of blood covered the bedsheets. Charlie had a small cut on his forehead, and dried blood across his face. She glanced back at Jane, her face as pale as a sheet.

"It's okay," she said, running her hand across her arm. "It's not as bad as it looks."

Her voice shook. "Really?"

"Really." She gripped both of her shoulders and guided her towards the bed. "Where's the bathroom? I need you to hold Charlie under the water while I clean the wound. Can you do that for me?"

She nodded and scooped him up in her arms. She cradled him as his screams disappeared and his whimpers intensified. Maura followed them down the corridor, patches of damp seeped through the discoloured wallpaper.

"How did he do it?"

"I don't know. The light was off, I was trying to sleep, the next thing I felt the bed move and he was on the floor screaming."

"Hey there Mr Charlie," Maura said, pulling down the removable shower head and running the water. She ran it slowly across the wound, carefully cleaning it up. She sponged dried blood from his face. She could see Jane's shoulders relax as the true size of Charlie's cut appeared beneath the mess. "You're going to be fine."

"Are you sure?" Jane asked, her voice so small Maura could barely hear it.

She turned off the shower and laid it in the tub, water continued to drip from the end. She noted the lines of grime around the bathroom tiles. She returned to her medical bag and ripped open an antiseptic ointment, dabbing it slowly across the wound. She dabbed a towel around the injury and dressed it. "You're being so brave."

"You're okay," Jane whispered, kissing the side of his head. His whimpering had died down and he nuzzled his face against Jane's side. She wiped at her eyes. "I love you."

"Let's go back to the bedroom." Maura carried her medical bag into the room and waited for Jane to lower Charlie onto the bed. She did a couple of tests and reapplied the ice pack to the side of his face. "I'm going to stay for a while, keep an eye on him. Is that okay?"

Jane nodded, tucking Charlie back under the bedcovers. "Can he sleep?"

"Of course." Maura repacked her medical bag. "May I use your bathroom?"

Exiting the bathroom, Maura stared at Jane. She stood by the oven, her white vest covered in spots of blood and soaked by the shower, showing off the shape of her chest. Maura pressed her lips together and glanced around the room. Grime and dirt covered the floor tiles, and kitchen appliances. She felt sick.

"You can't stay here."

"We have to," Jane said. "For another day or two. Then we're out."

"Have they all been like this?"

"Mostly." She shrugged. "It's fine."

"I'm not sure that it is." Maura closed the gap between them. She ran a finger down the side of Jane's face. "You have blood. Did you hurt yourself?"

"No." Jane wiped at her cheek. "I guess it's Chuck's."

Maura took a piece of kitchen roll and ran it under the faucet. She held Jane's face still and wiped away the dried blood. "You shouldn't stay in that top, you'll catch a chill."

"Yeah." Jane pulled from the bottom of her vest and lifted it up and over her head, exposing her bare breasts underneath.

Maura averted her gaze, her cheeks flushed. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Jane dropped the vest onto a pile on the floor and picked up a t-shirt. She tugged it down around her front.

Maura reached out to her hand and gripped it. A wave of emotion flooded her and she didn't know what to do with it. She didn't want to cry in front of Jane, least not out of pity. "Please don't stay here."

Jane's voice came out angrier than Maura expected. "I don't have a choice."

She closed her eyes and lowered her head. Jane's harsh tone dug deep into her heart. She brushed aside the threat of tears and stood tall.

Jane shook her head and leaned forward, pressing her lips gently against her cheek, clinging to her body. Maura ran a hand across her back, listening to the sound of her breathing. Jane sighed. "You're something real special Maura"

"Really," Maura said.

Jane stepped back. "What?"

"It's really special, not real special."

She scoffed and raised her eyebrows. "I just told you you're special and you're correcting my grammar?"

Maura shrugged. "I'm sorry. Along with diagnosing I correct people."

The laugh started low and grew louder, emanating from Jane's stomach. She slung an arm around Maura's shoulder and held her close again. "I'm so glad I met you, if only because you're different to everyone else."

She wrapped her arms tightly around Jane's back. In that moment, all she wanted to do was stay there, lost in the moment. She'd longed for friendship for such a long time; she never expected it to be that way. She considered letting go, but Jane didn't move, and she didn't much want to either.

"I'm sorry I'm a burden," Jane whispered.

"You're not a burden," Maura said. "You'll never be a burden."

"It's always just been me and Charlie, we were doing okay until the fire."

"You're coming back to the guest house," Maura said, pulling back, still clinging to her hand. "Tomorrow I'm going to sort out something more suitable as temporary accommodation."

" _No_." Jane scrunched her face up and shook her head. "No, Maura."

She stood firm. Her eyes fixed on Jane's. "This is not suitable accommodation for a child. The landlord should be jailed for allowing people to live like this."

"Loads of families live here."

Maura closed her eyes. She was right, and Maura felt great sadness knowing that. She cleared her throat. "They don't have a choice. You do."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do." Maura gripped her hand again. "You have me, and I won't let you live like this."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Notes : I didn't find much time to write today, but I hope tomorrow will be easier. I'm getting a bit frustrated with my writing at the moment, I feel like I'm overusing words and phrases, whether I am or not, the prolific nature of my updates is surely contributing to the frustration. Ah well, onwards...**

* * *

The front door was open when Maura arrived. She tapped on the door and entered the house, Isabeau's hand tucked around her own. They headed through into the kitchen where Jane sat at a small table with Charlie in the seat opposite.

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse," she read, holding the book out for Charlie to see.

"Christmas in July?" Maura asked, smirking.

Jane shrugged. "Oh, hey. We picked it up at a YMCA store; they didn't have much else in."

"Sorry for barging in, I knocked but I assumed you were busy." Isabeau walked across the room and sat herself down between Jane and Charlie. She knelt up on the chair and leaned over the book. "We're not staying, Beau, don't get too comfortable."

"Surely you can stay for a while?" Jane asked, pushing the book between the children and heading across the kitchen to fill the kettle. "I was hoping for some adult company that doesn't involve m-u-r-d-e-r."

"How are you settling in?" Maura asked, leaving a suitcase by the door. She leant against the kitchen counter. "It's a nice place."

"It's alright," Jane said, shrugging. Maura was about to question her further when her lips curved upwards and she cracked a smile. "I love it. Thank you for helping us."

"It's my pleasure."

She shrugged again. "I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

Maura took the kettle out of Jane's shaking hands and placed it down on the stove. "You don't need to repay me. There's nothing to repay."

"I can't accept charity."

"It's not charity." Maura gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "If it was me down and out, and you had the money to help, I'm sure you'd do the same."

"We'll get money from the insurance company eventually. It probably won't cover the rent here once I've sorted out my finances, but it's something."

"If you wish." Maura retrieved the suitcase. "Isabeau was clearing out some of her toys, and wanted to know if Charlie wanted them. I noticed you didn't have much when you moved. There are books for all seasons."

Jane walked over and ran her hand through her son's hair. "What do you say, Chuck?"

He turned to Maura and smiled. She felt warmth spread through her. In the weeks that she'd known Charlie, he'd barely even glanced at her, let alone showed any sign of affection. She unzipped the case and left it on the floor, taking a seat beside Isabeau. "Have you been to the pond yet?"

"The one a couple of blocks away?" Jane smiled with the slightest roll of the eyes. "Every day. Ducks every day. I think Korsak nearly had a heart attack when I said I wanted to take leave."

"You don't take breaks?"

"Sure," Jane said. "A day here and there. Never a week."

Charlie climbed off the chair and crawled across the tiles towards the suitcase a few feet away. Isabeau jumped down and ran around the other side, taking out items to show to Charlie. The kettle boiled and Jane prepared two mugs of coffee.

"It's instant, hope that's okay," she said, putting the mug on the table in front of Maura. She slipped into the seat beside her. "When you said you were coming over, I wasn't expecting you to bring Isabeau."

"Alejandro has been staying at Ramone's most nights this week." She sipped her coffee, ignoring the fact that it wasn't fresh like she most enjoyed. The look on Jane's face, the change in her spirit, was enough for her not to care. "He came home yesterday to watch Beau in the day. He's taking Ramone to Ikea today to purchase furniture for his new apartment. He didn't want Isabeau to get bored, and since I'm not working I thought Charlie might like someone to play with."

The two children sat on the floor, individually playing with toys from the suitcase. Isabeau wheeled a car around the fabric, and up Charlie's arm, while he tugged the legs of a teddy bear and crouched down, rubbing its nose with his own.

"He's been there a lot this week," Jane said, nursing her own mug. Maura could hear a note of judgement in her voice. She opened her mouth to speak but she didn't want to say anything, she didn't want to have that conversation.

"I've enjoyed having the house to myself." The silence of an evening was pleasant on the first night, but then a bout of loneliness set in. She forged a smile. "I've been able to catch up with some reading."

"Hey, I was wondering if you could do me a favour." Jane leaned forward, her hands wrapped around the coffee mug. She rolled her eyes. "As if you haven't already."

"What is it?"

"My usual sitter is on vacation at the weekend. She deserves a break after following me across the city these past six months, and I have plans I don't really want to cancel."

"I can watch Charlie. Anything special?" 

Jane shrugged. "A date."

"Who is the lucky man?"

Narrowing her eyes, Jane hesitated. "It's odd."

"What is?"

"Your situation, you're married to a gay man, you admitted to being into both men and women."

"Yes. And?" 

"Yet you assume I'm going on a date with a man."

"Aren't you?" 

"No." Jane's eyes stayed on Maura's, her expression barely changed. Their eyes locked. Maura attempted not to blink. When she did, Jane had looked away. "Actually, I'm not."

" _Oh_." A lump formed in the back of Maura's throat. She shifted in her seat. In the space of a few seconds, the recent world she'd built up fractured. She pushed her mug across the table and stood up. She filled a glass of water and drank half of it. By the time she turned back around, she forged a smile. "Who's the lucky lady?"

"I met her at the gym at BPD," Jane said, leaning back in her seat. "I don't really date."

"Is that why you didn't tell me you're gay?"

Jane twisted her mouth to one side, narrowing her eyes. "Wasn't much to tell."

"So, you are?" Maura asked. "Gay, I mean."

"Yeah." Jane picked up their mugs and carried them across to the sink. Maura could see her watching her, following her as she crouched down beside Isabeau and distracted herself. "You're mad that I didn't tell you, aren't you?"

"No." Maura regretted her response the second her skin burned. She scratched her neck. "I just don't understand why you kept it from me. After everything I told you about Alejandro, about myself."

Jane sighed. "I don't talk about myself, Maura. You're the first person I've told in a long time. You're the only person I expected to understand."

Maura stood up and turned back to Jane. "Except your date."

"I haven't told her anything." Jane leaned back against the counter. "She asked me out, I said yes. I didn't tell her I'm gay. I didn't tell her anything."

"But she assumes."

"So?"

"Assumptions that are true are no different."

"Why are you so worked up about this?" Jane asked, frowning. "I don't owe you my sexual preferences; I didn't have to tell you. I told you because you assumed I was straight and I thought we were building some kind of friendship."

"We are." Maura closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She could feel the threat of tears surface. "I just thought maybe you would have told me something like that earlier."

"I'm sorry," Jane said. "I've kinda had a lot more going on in my life than needing to tell people I'm into women."

"Yeah." Maura's lips tightened. "I suppose you have."

Jane shrugged and walked towards her. "How about we go to the pond?"

Maura shook her head. "We need to go. Isabeau's got a baby gym class soon."

"Right." Jane narrowed her eyes. "Baby gym. Nothing to do with me being gay."

"It's not." Maura let out a frustrated sound as the itchiness on her chest intensified. She reached down to Isabeau's hand. "Come on Isabeau, we're going home."

x

After baby gym, Maura drove home. Her hives had settled down, though her neck and chest were still covered in red blotches. She pulled up in the driveway, surprised to see Alejandro's car. She sighed. She wasn't ready for another near-miss with Alejandro's sex life, and she certainly wasn't in a fit state to get into a disagreement. The baby gym session did nothing to calm her analytical mind, if anything it raced faster. She unbuckled Isabeau's car seat and lifted her onto the path.

"Let's get dinner," she said, taking her purse from the seat and following Isabeau up to the front door. She'd already pushed it open. In the hallway, Isabeau was about to climb the stairs. "Into the living room, Beau."

She realised her mistake the second they stepped into the living room. Sat at the kitchen table Alejandro and Ramone were deep in conversation. Isabeau's face lit up and she ran forward towards her father.

Or so Maura had expected.

"Roman!" she shouted, clinging to his arm as he stood. He towered over her, easily lifting her off the ground as she held his arm. He pulled her into his arms and she hugged him tightly.

A lump formed in the back of her throat. The threat of tears increased exponentially. Her voice came out so small she didn't expect Alejandro to hear it. "I thought Isabeau hadn't met Ramone."

"Rain-Beau!" Ramone grinned, lowering her onto the floor and spinning her around. She giggled.

Alejandro's smile faded. He narrowed his eyes and headed across the room. He pushed Maura out of the living room and back into the hallway. "You look sad."

"I..." Maura sighed. She didn't have the energy, or the emotional capacity to speak. She pushed her vulnerability to one side and spoke with as much confidence as her voice would muster. "I'm going out."

"Okay." His confusion barely faltered. Maura shrugged and headed for the stairs. "You want guest house?"

She paused mid-way up the stairs. If she had the guest house then Alejandro would have to send Ramone home.

"Yes," she said, continuing on her way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note : I hope you like this one.**

* * *

Maura's sleep was disturbed by fretful dreams she could barely remember, and incessant thoughts running through her mind. She dreamt of babies; new babies fresh from her womb, babies that came out as three year olds who could talk back and push boundaries. She dreamt of dark brown curls and long legs, pale skin wrapped around her, pushing her to the limits. A muscular man interrupted her just before she could reach orgasm. She tossed and turned, contemplating life and sexuality.

"Ramone," she said out loud, waking up with a start. She felt disoriented. She'd woken up several times in the guest house but usually she knew where she was. It took a moment for her to remember.

A chill spread over her skin, tickling her bare breasts. Perfume, unlike anything she recognised, reached her nostrils. Skin brushed against her leg and she looked down at the head of brown hair in the bed beside her. Memories flooded her mind, drowning her in a sea of alcohol and passion. A lump settled in the back of her throat, too dry to swallow. Her head pounded.

"Jane?" She shook her head.

"Who?" The woman turned her head; her stubby nose scrunched up, her eyes creased. She rolled onto her back and stretched upward, letting out a loud grunt as her arms brushed her hair, a couple of shades lighter and much straighter than Jane's.

Maura wracked her brain for the name she seemed to have lost at some point in the night, and recalled a moment when she'd screamed out a name. "Amy?"

"Emily." She kicked her legs out of the bed and sat up, mumbling to herself. Maura could hear the frustration in her voice. A part of her felt regret. She didn't forget people's names, least not the people she slept with. But a larger part of herself felt no connection to the woman and wanted nothing more than for her to leave. Her hair was much shorter down her back, her skin much paler. She stood up, showing off her naked body for the briefest moment, before she pulled on a pair of panties and her skirt. Maura reached out across the bed, another wave of regret merged with memories of their night together. She was about to speak, when Emily shrugged and waved her fingers. "See you around."

"Sorry," Maura said, falling onto the bed, the air conditioned room cooled her skin quickly. She pulled the bedsheets back around her body and tugged the sheets around her chest. She waited for the guest house door to close behind her visitor. Fresh memories sprang to mind of the woman writhing beneath her. She bit down on the inside of her mouth and cursed.

x

After a quick shower, Maura headed into the main house. Each step took longer, each action coursed through her body like blood pumping. She ignored Alejandro sat at the kitchen table, and walked past Isabeau as she went straight to the medicine cabinet. She took out a packet of Tylenol and popped a couple from the packet.

"Here," Alejandro said, handing her a glass of water. She stared through him, and drank until water droplets dripped from her chin, rehydrating her aching throat as the painkillers started their work. "Night good?"

Another flash of memory infiltrated her brain and she shuddered. "I've never done that before."

He tilted his head to one side and glanced at Isabeau, sat colouring at the table. He pushed her across the room. She opened her mouth to protest. Alejandro waved at Isabeau and she complied. He opened the back door and tugged her out into the yard. The morning sun was already scorching. "You and Jane?"

" _No_." She stared at him with curiosity. He flitted between sexual partners, namely one-night stands and men who lasted for a few weeks. Despite having several short lived sexual relationships, Maura still didn't understand why it was so easy for him and so complex for her.

He looked confused, which matched her fractured mind. "Why not?"

"I've told you Alejandro," her tone harsher than she intended. She could feel the rising threat of anger. "I don't feel that way about Jane."

"She's perfect for you."

"How the hell would you know that?"

He stepped back, confusion etched on his face. He reached for her arms. She balked. He retreated. "I cannot touch you?"

She closed her eyes. Every emotion from the previous twenty four hours vied for her attention. Her heart ached. She closed her eyes and focused on every slow and steady breath, until they became more harried. All she wanted was to step into his arms and forget about the last few months. He was her safety. He created warmth and love that she hadn't felt anywhere else in life. She missed him in ways he couldn't possibly imagine, in ways even she didn't quite understand. They were not in love in the traditional sense, their arrangement was only ever supposed to be temporary. Yet she felt a longing to stay close to him, and it stabbed her painfully the more she thought about it. She took his hand and lifted it to her cheek.

He slid his fingers over her skin. He twisted a strand of her hair around his finger and tucked it behind her ear. Leaning close, he whispered. "I love you, you know. But you string up high and you need relaxation. Jane is relaxing."

"I am not highly strung." The anger inside of her ate at the happiness she tried to reclaim, and she regretted the tone of her voice. His touch, though once would have settled her, left her feeling helpless and fraught. In many ways she knew what he was saying was true. She often responded on the defensive instead of starting off on an even keel. People misunderstood her frequently and she was always ready to say something in return. In that moment she lost the ability to fight the tears. "I try not to be."

"I'm not saying to hurt you Maura," he said, wiping at her cheeks. "It's okay to let go and jerk off sometimes."

Maura narrowed her eyes. She didn't laugh. She didn't feel the warmth of Alejandro's jokes. Ordinarily she could piece together his broken English and make sense of it. "I don't know what you're trying to say."

"Love yourself Maura, and let others love you like Ramone loves me." She stepped to one side. Her eyes darted around. She reached out to the wall. Her heart raced so hard it mixed with the pounding of her head. Alejandro rested his hand on her arm. "What is wrong?"

"Things haven't felt right for a while." Tears strolled down her cheeks. She tried to avert her gaze, but he help strong. She stared into his eyes, stared through the blurry mess of teardrops. "Alejandro, why did you say you wanted another baby?"

"Isabeau deserves friend."

"She has friends."

"Family, she should have more family."

"Why?"

"I don't understand." He cupped her face and held her steady. "Why you crying? Why would she not want more family?"

"You didn't suggest we get a puppy, Alejandro. You suggested we have a _baby_." The word lingered in the air. Maura swiped the back of her hand across her cheek and let out a small sob. "A child who will need us for at least eighteen years. It's not a decision to take lightly. Yet you haven't asked again. We haven't talked about it. I was thinking about saying yes, but we haven't talked about it."

"I have been busy." His smile grew wide. "You want baby?"

"You've been busy with Ramone," Maura said, her lips tight.

" _Yes_." He stared at her long and hard, his eyebrows creased together. "With Ramone. Are we going to make baby?"

"What about Ramone?" she asked. "What does he think?"

"What about him?" He shrugged. "We use syringe. We make baby. Isabeau have brother or sister."

" _He loves you_." She sighed, reclaiming her emotions. Something had changed between them and though Maura had clung onto how it was before, she could see clearly now. She let out a short, sharp breath. "You said he loves you. Do you love him?"

" _Yes_." He caught her gaze, his words laced with naivety. An honesty that Maura could see he didn't quite capture the importance of. "Is this why you upset?"

"No. _Yes_. I don't know, Alejandro." She strode across the yard and stared into the guest house window. In that moment she longed for Jane to be close by, for the memory of Emily to be replaced with fresh memories of Jane and Charlie. She brushed her hands down the sides of her body, digging her fingers into her skin. Despite showering, she felt unclean. Alejandro gripped her wrists and held them by her sides. She twisted round, untangling his fingers. She stepped back, the strength returned to her voice. "We agreed this would work for as long as it needed to."

"I don't understand," Alejandro said.

"Our marriage." She turned to face him again. She marched forward, forcing him to step back, until he stopped by the wall, his eyes locked by her own. "Our marriage can only work if we want it to."

"It is working. We are happy. Isabeau enjoys her family in one home."

"But it's not the same anymore." She raised her voice. "That's why you keep pushing me to Jane, isn't it?"

"I want happiness for you."

"You want me to be happy so you can feel better about leaving me."

His face distorted. "I'm not leaving you, Maura. We are family."

"I should have seen it before." She moved away and folded her arms. Tears glistened on her cheeks, her voice broken up once more. "I didn't want to. I liked our arrangement and I just assumed it would stay that way forever."

"It can." He stepped up behind her, and rested his hands on her hips, pulling her close. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You love Ramone." She lowered her head, tears dropped straight onto the floor. His hands on her sides should have felt comfortable, yet they didn't. "He loves you. Why wouldn't you want to do something about that?"

"I made commitment to be married to you."

She spun around, colliding with his chest. "So?"

"My mother..."

"Forget about your mother," she shouted. "Forget about my family. Forget about me. _What do you want Alejandro?_ "

"I..." His eyes filled with tears, his voice caught in his throat. "I want everything."

"You can't have everything." She grasped at his hand and held it between them. "You are Beau's father, she needs you. But we don't need each other anymore. You need Ramone, and I need...I don't know what I need right now. But while you're still here I can't figure that out."

"What you say?"

"Do what you need to do."

"I need to be with my family." He reached out in an attempt to pull her back into his arms.

"No!" She gritted her teeth and pushed him away. "Pack a bag and go to Ramone. I don't want you here."

"No, Maura." Tears landed on his cheek. He scrunched up his face and leaned forward, shaking his head vehemently. "I can't."

" _Go_!" she shouted, pushing him again. " _Leave me alone!_ "

He lowered his head and staggered back into the house. She watched him through the window, taking Isabeau back upstairs to get ready for her day. A sharp pain pierced through Maura's chest. She placed a hand against the doorframe and steadied herself as great gasping sobs escaped her.

* * *

 **Author Note : So, there we have it. Maura has thrown him out. I imagine you'll all be glad about that...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Note : It looks like not all of you were entirely happy with the last chapter's events. But that's okay. I know it may seem harsh the way Maura reacted, and such, or you may think Alejandro is using Maura, etc. I really do believe they loved each other, just differently to most married couples. I hope you like this one, I certainly enjoyed writing parts of it.**

* * *

Maura stood on Jane's doorstep with Isabeau's head resting on her shoulder, her arm tucked around Isabeau's back. She knocked lightly on the wood and stared at a small drop of white paint on the frame. The evening was drawing to a close; the light around her dissipated with every passing second. Exhaustion seeped through her bones. She leant against the side of the doorframe and sighed.

"Sad, Mommy," Isabeau whispered into her ear. Maura chewed on the inside of her lip to ward off the threat of tears.

She ran a hand over the back of Isabeau's head. "I'm okay, Beau. We're going to be okay."

"Where's Daddy?"

The front door opened. Jane stared out with bleary eyes. She rubbed her face with her knuckles. "Maura? What you doing here? It's like ten?"

"Can we come in?"

Jane stepped aside and she walked into the living area. "You weren't at work, now you're here late, what's going on?"

Her heart leapt into her mouth, the realisation of what was happening hit her hard. She lowered Isabeau onto the floor. "Alejandro and I have separated."

" _What_?" Jane leaned forward, her arms outstretched.

Maura stepped towards her and fell into her arms. Her whole body shook with a flood of tears. Jane tucked her hands tightly around Maura's back. She pushed her face against Jane's neck and choked on gasping sobs.

Jane stepped back, holding her at arm's length. "Do you want to stay tonight?"

"Please." Maura wiped at her face. "I can't face the house alone."

Jane crouched down on the floor. "Hey Beau, want to come and have a sleepover in Charlie's room?"

She nodded her head, and though she smiled, it barely reached her eyes. Maura could see the same sadness in her daughter's eyes as her own. She let out another sob and turned away. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jane said, rubbing her shoulder. She scooped Isabeau up. "We'll get you to bed and then when I come back down Mommy and I are going to have a talk."

x

Maura stood by the sink, downing a shot of whiskey as she stared out across the yard. She could hear Jane re-enter the room behind her, but she didn't move. Tears streamed down her face. She felt regret at letting her daughter see how hurt she was, for allowing it to consume her so much that Isabeau was also affected.

"Found the whiskey," Jane said.

"I'm sorry." Maura glanced down into the sink, her voice devoid of any emotion. "I should have asked."

"What's mine is yours," Jane said, walking up behind her.

She jumped at her touch. Instantly, Maura felt comforted. She closed her eyes and tried to push the threat of tears away, but she couldn't. It was too strong and she was stranded in her emotions.

"I'm sorry," she said again, turning and leaning back against the sink. "I'm a mess. I told him to go, I knew it was time. I still feel so broken."

Jane gripped her arm and dragged her across the room, grabbing the whiskey bottle with her other hand. She pushed open the door to the yard and guided Maura into a chair on the patio. She slouched into a chair beside her, took a swig of whiskey, and handed Maura the bottle.

"Sometimes you've just gotta drink and cry it out."

Maura scoffed. "The former is not good advice, though the latter does have its advantages."

Jane waved her finger in Maura's face. "No. None of that smarty pants Google shit. Have a drink and tell me what the fuck is happening."

"Language, Jane!"

Jane rolled her eyes and stole the bottle back. She downed another mouthful. "You're an adult Maura, language is just words. It's not like I'm spouting racist shit. There's no reason to act like a prude."

"I think you'll find that's related to sex."

"Sex, language, whatever." Jane leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She stared at Maura, holding her gaze. "Talk to me."

x

Half an hour later, Maura sat back in the chair, her heart ached, and her cheeks were red raw from the continual train of tears down her face. She'd spilled her heart, and still Jane sat there listening. Once upon a time she worried solely about Jane knowing her secrets, now she was telling her far more than she'd ever told anyone.

"Why do you put up with me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Jane shrugged. "You're sweet. You're there for me in a way nobody ever has been before. You're beautiful, both inside and out. Who wouldn't want to put up with that?"

She stood up and kicked off her shoes, trailing her feet through the dry grass. She closed her eyes and stared up at the sky, taking a sip of whiskey. She reached her arms out to her sides.

"Do you ever feel so small and insignificant that you wonder what the point is?" she asked.

Jane shrugged. "Not really."

She waved her arms up into the air, alcohol spilling across her arm. "There are two hundred billion stars in our galaxy. Our sun is one of two hundred billion. You think the Earth is big, think about the scale of the universe. They've estimated one hundred billion galaxies in the observable universe. That means we're one of eight planets in a solar system that is one billionth of one billion. We're insignificant, Jane. We just... _don't matter_."

Jane stood and watched her from across the yard. She could feel her eyes burning holes in her skin, her attention fixed like the Earth on its axis. "You're not insignificant, Maur."

"I am." She lifted her hands up again. "Look at it. Look as far as the eye can see."

"You're not insignificant to me."

Barely registering Jane's words, Maura continued. "You're nowhere near the end. It's impossible to see, it's impossible to know. We could travel for billions of light years and never reach the other side. How doesn't that make you feel like nothing?"

Sighing, Jane crossed the yard. She stood close behind her and pushed Maura's arms down, taking the bottle from her hands and placing it a few feet away. "Stop talking like that. You're scaring me. You're not worthless. You have plenty of reasons to live."

"I'm not suicidal, Jane," Maura said, stepping back, colliding with her. She turned, their bodies inches apart. "I'm a scientist. The universe is made of atoms, and on the grand scheme of things, we are nothing. It's reality. I'm not saying it because I want my existence to be over. I don't. Everything comes in time. We all die. Our lives, our legacies end eventually."

Jane swallowed. Under the moonlight, Jane's eyes glistened. She gripped Maura's arms. "You're a sad drunk."

"That's me," Maura said, facing the stars again. She closed her eyes and waited for a moment, before dropping onto her butt on the floor. "I believed in something once upon a time. I believed in love, and hope, and a world where you were protected from harm."

"What happened?" Jane asked, sitting cross legged opposite her.

Maura leaned forward. "Life. I lived. I breathed. I learnt the truth about astronomy and people. Nobody cares. There are at least seven point four billion people on this planet. Why do I matter? One seven billionth in one billionth of one billion. When you're talking numbers like that, why bother with me? There are seven point four billion other people out there."

"Are you trying to tell me not to like you?" Jane asked.

"I'm asking why you do." Maura rested her hands on Jane's knees. "Why me, and not seven point four billion other people?"

"Proximity."

The answer came unexpectedly. Maura tilted her head to the side. Jane's lip curved at the edge. "You think you're smart, don't you?"

"Actually, yeah," she said, shrugging.

"That's not good enough."

"Yes. It is." Jane emulated Maura, resting her hands on Maura's knees. "You want to talk science? Proximity matters. If two chemicals are in proximity to each other, they create a reaction. That reaction creates something new. I might be wrong, since I don't have a fancy science degree and all, but proximity is the reason we're here at all. Without that there would be no universe. There would be no life. You can't make babies without proximity. There would be no Jane and Maura drinking too much whiskey on a school night."

Maura chewed on her bottom lip. "Has anyone ever told you it's sexy when you talk science?"

Raising an eyebrow, Jane smirked. "No. You're the first."

Feelings of inadequacy washed over her. Her bottom lip quavered. Maura closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. "All I wanted was to be loved. Is it too much to ask?"

"Of course not," Jane said, kneeling up and crawling around her side. She stroked her hand along the back of Maura's head. "But you're drunk, and talking like this isn't going to make you feel any better."

"Have you ever been loved?" Jane glanced down at the floor, her lips pressed together. She lifted her chin with a couple of fingers and stared into her eyes. She felt comfort. "I bet you have. With eyes like those, and legs, your legs are so long and long and long."

"I think you've reached the end point," Jane said, slipping an arm around her waist and forcing her to stand up. She tried to protest, but her mind was like a fog rolling in over the streets of San Francisco. "No more drinking. No more talking nonsense. It's time we got you to bed."

Before Maura knew it, she was stumbling across the bedroom, kicking aside a pair of panties and some Chuck Taylors. "Chuck the shoe; is that the same as Charlie?"

Jane shook her head. "I didn't name my kid after a shoe, if that's what you're asking."

Maura sighed. Despite her brain telling her to resist, she followed Jane's lead and climbed under the bedcovers. The room spun around her head, the wallpaper rolling around. She gritted her teeth and tried to fight a wave of nausea.

"I feel sick."

"You will," Jane said, climbing onto the side of the bed. She ran a hand across her forehead, brushing hair from her face. "You drank a stupid amount of whiskey."

Maura rubbed her cheek against Jane's hand. "You coming to bed?"

"No." Jane laughed as she hushed Maura. She leaned close and whispered. "It's time to sleep. Close your eyes and let your body relax."

"I don't…" Maura whispered. "I don't sleep."

"You will," Jane said, kissing her lightly on the forehead. "I'll be on the couch if you need me."

Maura opened her eyes and grabbed Jane's arm. "I'll sleep on the couch, this is your bed."

"No." Jane pushed her hand away. "Just sleep, Maura."

"Okay."


	12. Chapter 12

**Author Note : Thank you for continuing to show such an interest in this story and sticking around. I appreciate that you've taken a chance with this one, and I will repay you, in time. Enjoy.**

* * *

When Jane came down the stairs the next morning, Maura was already up, dressed, and mixing eggs in a bowl. She poured the whisked egg into a frying pan and added spring onion, pepper and aubergine.

"What's going on?" Jane asked, narrowing her eyes. Isabeau sat against her hip. "Aren't you supposed to be vomiting into a bucket about now?"

"I feel fine." Maura shrugged and reached out to Isabeau. "Good morning."

"Morning, Mommy," she said, wrapping her arms around Maura's neck. "Eggy breakfast?"

"Yes, we're having an eggy breakfast." Maura lowered Isabeau onto the floor and patted the dining chair. "How are you feeling today, sweetheart?"

Isabeau hopped onto the chair. "I'm well, Mommy."

"I'm glad to hear it."

She turned around and returned to the pan. She sprinkled salt and pepper over the eggs and flipped the omelette over. "I thought you'd be on the couch, Jane."

"Couldn't sleep," she said, not taking her eyes off Maura. "Charlie got me around one, so I found a spot in his room."

"Thank you." She nodded her head briefly. "You're a true friend for allowing me to sleep in your bed while you slept on the floor."

"Coffee?" Jane asked, filling the kettle. "I'd offer you herbal tea but I can't stand the stuff."

"Coffee's fine," Maura said. Once the omelette was finished cooking, Maura shared it across four plates and carried them over to the table. Jane sat beside Isabeau, her eyes wide. Maura slid into the seat opposite. "Where's Charlie?"

"He sleeps late some days." Jane cleared her throat. "You gonna explain all this cheery nonsense any time soon?"

"I don't believe there's anything to explain." Maura cut into her breakfast and chewed. "I probably didn't drink as much as you think I did last night."

"No." Jane swallowed a mouthful of omelette and shook her head vehemently. "You definitely drunk as much as I know you did."

"Lucky escape?"

"Miracle!"

Maura's lips curved up at the corners. "I actually expected to feel a lot worse. Two nights of drinking heavily is not conducive to feeling well, or going to work."

"You're going to work?" Jane asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I don't see why not."

Jane sighed. "You might not feel physically horrible but what about emotionally?"

"What about it?"

She rolled her eyes. "You can't tell me you're over it already."

"Of course I'm not," Maura said. She heaved a sigh and slouched in her seat. "I want to be."

"Is Alejandro looking after Beau today?"

Maura pressed her lips together. "I don't know."

"I can check with Christina, she might be okay watching her as well as Chuck."

A lump formed in the back of Maura's throat. She lowered her head. "I don't know. I don't want to keep her from him."

"Are you ready to see him?"

"No."

"Then one day can't hurt," Jane said, resting her hand across Maura's wrist. "Unless you'd like me to take Isabeau to him?"

She shook her head and placed her knife and fork on her plate. Her appetite had waned rapidly. A feeling of nausea washed over her and she regretted everything she'd done since waking up. She closed her eyes, her cheeks bulged like hamsters, before returning to normal.

"You okay?" Jane asked.

Maura shook her head. The mere act of moving created the salivating sensation that proceeded vomiting. She sprang from her seat, unable to speak as she rushed up the stairs and into the bathroom.

x

By Sunday, Maura was exhausted. Working all weekend after two days of drinking, and two days of recovering, left her with little energy. She arrived home from work ready to collapse. Jane's house was quiet. She unlocked the front door into darkness. A dim light shone at the top of the stairs. Before she could switch on any lights, Jane appeared, or at least she assumed the shadow heading down the stairs was her.

"You're back," Jane whispered. "You're later than you said."

"Sorry," Maura replied. "I was so engrossed in the Pinkerton case I forgot what time it was."

"Kids are asleep." Jane headed into the living room and switched on a light. "There's leftovers in the fridge."

"Thank you." Maura sighed. "And thank you for looking after Beau this weekend."

"It's no trouble," Jane said. She wandered into the kitchen and took a plate out of the fridge, putting it into the microwave. "Wine?"

"No." She joined her by the sink. "I think I'll stick to water."

"Sure." Jane took a beer from the fridge and filled a glass with water for Maura.

Maura downed the water within moments and refilled her glass. At some point in the day she'd become so engrossed that she forgot about drinking, and a slight headache lingered in the back of her head.

"Wait, it's Sunday," she said, a memory pulled to the forefront of her mind.

"Yeah?" Jane narrowed her eyes and carried her beer across to the couch. "Has been all day."

Maura curled up beside her. "What happened to your date?"

"Cancelled it."

"Why?"

Jane shrugged. "Wasn't really feeling it...besides, she's blonde."

Maura scoffed and glared at her, jovially. "I'm blonde!"

"Yeah, But you're like dark blonde with a honey twist, she's," Jane shuddered. "Bimbo beach blonde."

The whole conversation was somewhat amusing and Maura struggled to contain her laughter. She folded her arms "You have a problem with light blonde hair?"

"If it's fake!" Jane rolled her eyes and placed her beer on the table. "I'm all about natural. Fake hair, fake tan, fake tits. No thanks."

Maura pursed her lips. She glanced down, her curiosity piqued. "You're not a breast person?"

Jane scrunched up her face and smirked. For the briefest of moments, Maura caught her glance at her cleavage, though she brushed it off just as quickly. "Oh I'm into tits. I think they'd take away the gay card if I wasn't. But I like natural."

"Okay." Maura pressed her lips together and tried to ignore the way Jane's eyes traveled down her body. She closed her eyes and sipped her water. How many times had Jane checked her out before? She returned her gaze to Jane and caught her eye.

Jane raised her eyebrow. "You're not considering a boob job, are you?"

"No!" Maura reached out to Jane's arm. "I don't really like fake either. Society has enough pressures without people feeling they need to improve themselves with plastic. Besides, there's always a margin of possibility that surgery will result in death. Nobody should sacrifice their life for their looks."

"Good. You're perfect just the way you are." The microwave beeped. Jane placed her hand on Maura's knee and stood up. Maura followed her across the room with her eyes. She shook her head and glanced away. "Food's done!"

She ambled over to the table and took a seat. Maura was ravenous. Jane sat opposite her, her eyes fixed on Maura as she ate her meal. She tried to ignore her, but she could feel her gaze. Beside her, her purse beeped loudly.

"You gonna get that?" Jane asked.

"No," Maura said, leaving her purse alone. "It's been doing it all day."

"I imagine someone's trying to get hold of you," Jane said, leaning forward. "Presumably Alejandro?"

She balked. The mere thought of him sent an unsettled feeling through her body. She shook her head. "I wouldn't know."

"Okay." Jane continued to stare at her.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

Maura lifted her gaze. Jane's lack of words filled her with doubt. She forged a smile. "Yes."

x

Isabeau was in the yard in her bathing suit, running around as Christina sprayed water across her. She giggled, her stomach puffed out, unawares of the pressures of modern society. Maura stood in the doorway, her face ached from smiling so much. Charlie sat on the grass, picking at pieces, just like Jane had when they were at the park. He was so much like her sometimes, even in silence.

"Mommy!" Isabeau shouted, spotting her across the yard. She ran toward her.

Christina held her back. "Don't slip on the water, let Mommy come to you."

Maura nodded, impressed by the babysitter's diligence. She stepped forward and scooped Isabeau up into her arms, not caring about the water that seeped through her clothes. "I missed you."

Isabeau heaved a sigh. "Miss daddy."

"I know." Maura ran a hand across her damp head and kissed her cheek. "We'll see him soon."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She ran off across the yard, twirling in the grass as Christina continued her watery games. Maura perched on a chair beside her. "If you want to go home early, I'm sure Jane will pay you the full rate."

Christina shrugged. "I don't mind. Beau loves to play. It's nice to do something more active."

"Thank you." Maura stood up and headed back toward her house. "I'll do some chores, while I don't have to entertain."

Two hours later, Christina left and Maura sat at the kitchen table, watching the children eat. Despite the happiness she'd seen in Isabeau, there was still a sadness in her eyes, which broke Maura's heart. She scooted closer and placed a hand across the back of her chair.

"Hi, Mommy."

"Hello," she said, running a hand across her back. She swiped her palm across her cheek and spoke softly. "I'm sorry."

The front door opened and Jane appeared, her blouse damp and disheveled and her slacks covered in wet mud. If Maura didn't know any better, she would have assumed some sort of animal wrestling had been involved.

Maura stood up. "What happened to you?"

"Perp thought he could get away," she said, dusting off some of the dried mud. "Ran through three yards, the last of which had a keen gardener who was turning over soil and had sprinklers."

She waved a hand and headed towards the stairs. Maura leant down to Isabeau's plate. "You want to go play?"

Isabeau nodded, swallowing a mouthful of pasta. "Outside?"

"Inside!" Maura said. She looked to Charlie, who nodded. Picking up his plate, she left them in the living room and sped up the stairs. She stopped by Jane's bedroom door and knocked. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Jane shouted, but the single word was laced with pain. Maura pushed open the bedroom door. "Maura!"

"You're hurt," she said. Jane's slacks were halfway down her thighs, exposing her underpants. Her blouse lay in a pile, and Jane's breasts were contained by a sports bra. Maura stepped forward. "You're not going to tell me you're fine when you're bruised."

"A little bruise." Jane shrugged and pushed her slacks all the way down, revealing the full length of the bruise along her thigh and leg. "Maybe slightly bigger than little."

Maura sighed and crouched beside her. "Do you feel any other injuries?"

"Nah, I'm good." Maura continued to analyse the damage, surprisingly with no complaint. She pressed down on a patch of skin without bruising and Jane winced. "I saw Alejandro today."

Maura froze. She sat back on her heel. "Where?"

"We were in Southie. He came up behind me." She sat down on the bed and reached for a pair of sweatpants. "He asked me if I know where you are."

"What did you tell him?"

The doorbell rang. Maura's lips tightened and she glared at Jane. " _No!_ "

"I'm sorry," she said, lowering her head. "He guessed. He misses his kid, Maura. You have to talk to him eventually."


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Note : Chapter 13 - unlucky for some, Jane probably, but not you! I'm going to have to work so hard tomorrow because I don't have any more of this story written. Today was not conducive to writing. I hope you enjoy. **

* * *

"Upstairs, kids," Jane said. She pulled Charlie onto her back as Isabeau climbed the stairs in front of her. She placed her hand on Maura's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Maybe this is the best way."

She doubted it was. Deep down she knew that Jane was right. The last few days she'd put it off until the very thought of seeing him again was almost unbearable. Once the hallway was clear, Maura breathed deeply and opened the door.

"Maura!" he said, stepped into the house and wrapping his arms around her body. "I am so sorry. You were right. I didn't want to say goodbye. I'm sorry I made you hurt."

Tears filled her eyes and she settled into his embrace. She rested a hand on his back and held him close. A comfortable silence fell between them. She closed her eyes. The familiarity of his scent settled her nerves, settled her worries, and she sobbed lightly against his shoulder.

"Don't cry, my sweet Maura," he said, stepping back. He held her at arm's length and stared into her eyes. Fresh tears strolled down his cheeks as he brushed hers away. "We will be okay."

She cupped his cheek, trailing her hand across his face. "Come inside. We should talk."

They sat out in the yard. Maura handed him a glass of water and busied herself with a glass of her own. She sipped repeatedly, building up the courage to say what needed saying.

"You were right," Alejandro said again. "You knew before I that I loved Ramone. I'm sorry you hate me for it."

"No." Maura reached out her hand to his wrist. "I don't hate you Alejandro. I could never hate you. I should have realised that one day it might hurt to let you go."

He lowered his head, shaking it dramatically. "You save me. You gave life back into my heart. How could I leave you when you gave me everything? Our daughter. Our beautiful Isabeau. My life could not be half as life without you. Do you know?"

"I know." She choked back tears. Leaning over, she rested her head against his arm. "You were my life partner; our family meant so much to me. You say I saved you, but you saved me too."

His hand trailed across her shoulder under the weight of his arm settled against her. She wrapped her arms around his stomach and they sat in silence for a long while.

"Did you move in with Ramone?"

"Yes."

"Good." She sighed. "The house is too big without you."

"You move with Jane?"

She laughed softly. " _No._ It's just temporary. I needed time."

"Sorry if you not have enough. When Jane not say where you stay I knew you must be with her."

"It's fine," she said, sitting upright. She clutched his hand on her lap. "Isabeau missed you. You should take her, if she wants to go. I should never have kept her from you."

"She happy here."

"She's happy with you."

"Okay. I take her tomorrow." He leaned forward, emptying his glass in a couple of mouthfuls. "I hope we can be friends, Maura. I hope to love you til end of life."

She cleared her throat, fresh tears threatened to fall. She rested her hand against his cheek and leaned toward, pressing her lips to his for the briefest of moments. "You will always be in my life, Alejandro."

x

Upstairs, Jane lay on her bed when Maura walked in. She hovered in the doorway, her cheeks still red from the tears. For the first time since she arrived at Jane's, she felt at ease.

"Sorry, do you want the bed?" Jane asked, sitting up.

"No." Maura picked a brush up off the dresser and turned it around in her hands. "I think we've taken up your home long enough."

"You're going back?"

"Yes."

"Tonight?"

"I don't see why not."

Jane dangled her legs over the edge of the bed, her toes dug into the carpet. "Isabeau fell asleep while you were talking."

"She might not wake until I get her home." She put the brush down. Jane stood up and closed the gap between them. "Better we don't overstay our welcome."

"You're not." Jane reached out her arms, stopping inches from Maura's, then pulled them back to her sides. "Let her sleep. What's one more night?"

"I can't take your bed again."

"I like the couch."

"You've ended up in Charlie's room every night," she said.

"So?"

"At least take your bed back. I'll sleep on the couch."

"I won't have guests sleeping on the couch." Jane shrugged. She fixed her gaze on Maura, until she lifted her eyes and met Jane's. "Why not just sleep in the bed?"

"But you..."

"Can sleep on the other side of the bed." She shrugged. "We're adults. We understand personal space and boundaries."

Maura hesitated. "I don't know."

Jane scoffed. "Do you think I'm gonna jump you in the night or something?"

"Of course not," Maura said.

"That's settled then." She sat back down and patted the bedsheets beside her. "This is my side, if you're okay with the other side?"

"Sure."

x

A foot smashed into Maura's leg, pulling her quickly from her sleep. She turned over, startled, her heart raced. Jane lay on the other side of the bed, her leg outstretched across the bed, her mouth parted. She breathed heavily, still fast asleep.

Maura sighed and watched her for a moment. She closed her eyes and tried to drift off, but a long, low moan filled the air.

"Mm..." Jane writhed about, her legs twisted around the bedsheets, tugging them down. Her hand rested under her shirt, cupping her breast.

Clearing her throat, Maura laid stock still, waiting, hoping that the moment would pass.

"God," Jane mumbled, sliding her other hand across her stomach and down between her legs. She kicked out again. Her fingers roamed across her clothes. "God, Maur."

A tingling sensation travelled across Maura's skin, finding a home beneath her nightclothes. The summer night stifled her, leaving her gasping for breath. Maura bit down on her lower lip and scrunched her eyes shut. She counted to a hundred, with the guttural sounds surrounding her.

"Fuck," Jane gasped, sighing. She rolled onto her side and continued to sleep, oblivious to the sounds she'd been making.

Maura's body pulsed. Her heart raced. She counted faster, pushing thoughts aside as Jane's moans filled her mind. She breathed deeply, forcing every breath into her lungs and expelling it quickly. She continued focusing on every breath until her body settled back down and she felt herself drifting back to sleep.

x

The children sat on the couch watching cartoons, eating their breakfast on their laps. Maura finished preparing a fresh pot of coffee and filled two mugs. She placed bacon and eggs on a plate and carried them upstairs. By the bedroom door, she hesitated, the gentle moans still at the forefront of her mind. She shook her head and attempted to clear her thoughts. She pushed open the door.

"Morning sleepyhead," Maura said loudly. The room was empty. She stepped over to the bed. She put Jane's coffee mug on the drinks mat and rested the plate on a book beside it. She sipped her own coffee and waited a moment.

The en-suite door opened and Jane walked out, wearing nothing but a towel on her head. Maura twisted round quickly. Jane's eyes bugged as she dropped down and grappled with a pair of sweatpants on the floor.

"I'm so sorry," Maura said, closing her eyes. She could feel her cheeks heat up and wished she could go backward twenty-four hours. The vision of Jane's naked flesh imprinted merged with her moans and refused to leave Maura's mind. Sensations flushed her body. She opened her eyes and refocused her attention on the food. "I brought you breakfast."

"You can turn around," Jane said, her voice small and emotionless. Maura turned. Jane, now fully clothed, busied herself with her hair, glancing across the room as she squeezed water from her damp, dark locks. "Probably shouldn't have assumed you were still downstairs."

" _No._ " Maura inched forward, her hand outstretched. "It's not your fault. I'm the one imposing on your life."

"What did I tell you?"

"I know, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like I am."

Jane glanced over her shoulder, her lips curved up at one side. "You made me breakfast in bed?"

"I made you breakfast." Maura pressed her lips together. "I made breakfast for you to eat, here, downstairs, whenever you'd like."

"Where are the kids?"

"Watching television."

Smirking, Jane jumped onto the bed and moved the plate onto her lap. She stared at Maura, and patted the space beside her. "Sit down; they'll be occupied for hours."

"We only have one," Maura said. "You don't want to be late for work."

Jane shrugged and picked up a slice of bacon. She nibbled on it like toast. "Want some?"

Maura shook her head. "I've already eaten."

She nibbled in silence, her eyes closed momentarily. Suddenly, a soft moan escaped her lips, sending shockwaves through Maura's body. She shifted her position. "I love bacon."

"When was the last time you had sex?"

"Excuse me?" Jane asked, her eyes wide. She leaned forward, her cheeks reddened.

"I'm going to hazard a guess at a while, perhaps before the fire."

She stared at Maura, aghast. "Wh, wh…why are you asking me that?"

"Do you masturbate often?"

" _Maura!_ "

"Well?"

"I…" she opened her mouth, and closed it a couple of times. "I'm not telling you that."

"It's perfectly natural," Maura said, sipping her coffee. "It would perhaps reduce the sexual feelings you have at night."

Jane's eyes creased, her face contorted. "What sexual feelings I have a night? Why are we having this conversation?"

"I couldn't help but overhear you," Maura said, cupping the mug on her lap. "Sex dreams are common in adults. It's nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about. It is considered by those who study such dreams that if you have deep urges then they are more likely to replicate themselves in our subconscious."

Jane tossed her plate back onto the book and leaned over the edge of the bed. "I don't have any deep urges to have sex. I am having a deep urge to get as far away from this conversation as possible."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed." Jane sighed. "I'm fucking bright red is what I am. I don't talk about this kind of thing, with anybody."

"Maybe if you were to start discussing it with someone you're interested in having sex with, it may lessen some of your feelings."

Jane let out a frustrated groan and stood up. She twisted around; her eyes darted from Maura to the coffee mug on the bedside table. "Stop, Maura. Please, just stop. I know you mean well but this is like your diagnoses and Google nonsense. Please, don't."

"I'm sorry." She stood up on the other side of the bed and faced her. She put her coffee on the bedside table. Her heart raced, an uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Oh, God." Jane closed her eyes. The similarity to the sound of her voice brought a flash of memory back. She swallowed, the mere thought left her confused. Jane covered her face with her hand and repeated the words over and over again, sending Maura's body into overdrive. She tugged at her blouse. The summer's heat made it impossible to dress well. Jane groaned again. "I had a fucking sex dream with you in the bed next to me."

Maura forged a smile. "Yes."

"God, I'm so sorry," Jane said, shaking her head repeatedly. She turned and headed for the door, then walked back over to the bed, picked up her mug and plate, and went out into the hallway.

"You really don't need to apologise." Maura chased after her. "It's my fault for bringing this up. I just wanted to let you know that if you wanted to rearrange your date, please do. I can take care of Charlie. Any time."

Jane continued along the hall and down the stairs. "Please stop talking about this."

"Okay."

"I'm gonna go to work, and forget this conversation ever happened."

" _Jane._ "

" _No._ " She reached the bottom. Maura hovered mid-way down. With her hand in the air, Jane shook her head and disappeared into the kitchen. "Not having this conversation Maura. See you at work. Or tomorrow. Or when I die."


	14. Chapter 14

**Author Note : When a chapter won't play ball and you don't really know whether it's worth posting but there's nobody around to check it and says "yes, do it" so you're getting a chapter whether it's any good or not. Some days writing is the worst. I doubt I'll get the next chapter of Blank Pages out today (though not that many people are reading it anyway compared to this one).**

* * *

"Finish your breakfast, Beau." Maura carried her bowl and mug into the kitchen and filled the dishwasher. She ambled back to the table and cleared away the morning newspaper. "Daddy's going to be here soon to pick you up."

She scooped the last of her cereal into her mouth. "What about Charlie?"

"What about him?" Maura put the spoon into her bowl and picked them up.

"I miss him."

Maura sighed. "I don't know when we'll see him next. Hopefully soon."

The front door opened. "Morning family!"

"Daddy!" Isabeau jumped off her seat and ran into his legs, wrapping her arms tightly around them.

He scooped her up and rested her on his hip. "Are you ready for Mexico day?"

She tilted her head to one side and glanced at Maura. "What's Mexico day?"

"Today we learn about Mexico."

Alejandro tickled her side until Isabeau giggled and wriggled in his arms. "Stop, Daddy!"

"We will go to museum where they have Mexico exhibit, we eat Mexico food. Ramone bought hats!"

Maura pressed her lips tightly together, and attempted to hide a smile. "Mexico day sounds like a lot of fun. I'll be sad that I have to work."

"Have no fear," he said, lowering Isabeau onto the floor. He twisted his arms above his head, reached out and twirled Maura around. "We also learn Salsa."

"Salsa is from the Caribbean."

"Then we won't." He picked Isabeau up and perched her on one shoulder. "We take lunch burritos to Mommy and Jane!"

"Charlie!"

"I don't think Charlie is working today," Alejandro said, tipping her upside down.

Maura shook her head and stepped towards them, holding Isabeau upright. "She's just finished breakfast."

"Britto for Jane!" Isabeau shouted.

"I doubt I'll be seeing Jane today." Maura retrieved Isabeau's backpack from the couch. She folded a sweater into it. "She's been out of touch all week."

"What happen?"

"Nothing." Their last conversation was hardly one that Maura could be proud of. Her own inability to measure someone's level of discomfort had resulted in days of silence. "I thought it was okay."

"Did you kiss?"

Maura scoffed. "No. Alejandro, don't be so ridiculous."

"Not ridiculous." He slung the small backpack over his other shoulder. "Jane is wonderful."

"She won't talk to me." Maura slouched in her chair. "I asked Detective Korsak today and he said she's got some personal things going on. If that is true, why isn't she coming to me for support?"

"Where is Ted? Go get Ted." He lifted Isabeau off his shoulder. She ran off up the stairs. Alejandro dropped into the seat beside her. "What really happen?"

"She had a dream about me."

"A sexy dream?"

Pressing her lips together, Maura attempted to disguise her smile. "Yes."

"She's embarrassed."

"Probably." She rubbed her eyes. "I miss her. I've never missed anyone this much before. It's been so intense, so quickly, I long to hear from her."

"You say you're not interested?"

"I'm not!"

"No?"

"No."

"Okay." He placed his hands on the table and stood up. Isabeau ran to his side, clutching her teddy bear in her hands. "We bring lunch burritos to Mommy."

"There's no need."

"Oh but we must!" He picked up Isabeau, and held her hand out as he danced back and forth a couple of times. "Today is also, appreciate Mommy day."

"Isn't that Mother's Day?"

"And wait months?" He leaned over, holding Isabeau close to Maura. "Kiss Mommy goodbye, we have appreciation gifts to prepare."

Lifting the backpack higher onto her arm, Alejandro turned tail and headed for the exit. "Farewell, Mommy."

"Farwall, Mommy!" Isabeau shouted, as they disappeared out of the room.

x

Scrubland crunched beneath Maura's heels. She stepped carefully over roots and twigs, finding her way through the trees. The dirt track was cracked with dehydration. She was a frequent visitor to the park and yet, she'd never gone off the beaten track.

"Remind me to always stick to the main routes," she said, reaching Korsak. "I'd rather not meet bodies in the park when I have my daughter with me."

"Stick to the duck ponds and you'll be fine." He motioned down a small embankment. "They're down there."

"They?"

"We thought there was one body but we found a second face down in the river."

She analysed the edge of the footpath. Gaping holes had been torn in the side of the path. How easy it would be to catch your foot if you weren't paying attention.

"Is Detective Rizzoli at the bottom?" Maura scanned the path up ahead. "Is there an easy way down?"

"No." He walked down the trail a couple of feet and stepped over a rock, climbing down with the support of tree branches. "Rizzoli's not here."

Disappointment filled her as she followed Korsak along the makeshift path. "Someone will need to direct my team."

"I've got uniform in the area. They've been instructed to meet the team up top."

"I didn't see them."

"That's because I thought I should meet you myself," he said, kicking the earth with his foot. "You deserve more respect than some of those rookies are willing to give."

"Thank you." She stepped down onto the edge of the river, regretful that her better shoes were in the car. Water seeped across the base of her heels. She sighed, giving up on saving her shoes. She knew better than to wear them to crime scenes without a backup. "Why isn't Detective Rizzoli here?"

"Her babysitter let her down."

"Is Christina okay?"

"Christina?" He shrugged. "Something to do with food poisoning."

"Why didn't she call me?"

"Should she?"

Maura brushed off the encroaching frustration. She hated how much it affected her. The last three days every call or text left her disappointed. She cleared her throat and focused herself. The bodies deserved her full attention.

"I'm concerned there are only three places where the earth was disturbed."

"Where?"

"At the top." She crouched down. Red-purple marks covered the woman's neck, several small slices cut into her skin. "There are signs of a struggle. I've not seen Detective Rizzoli for several days, is there reason to be concerned?"

"You're saying she was pushed? Rizzoli's had a few person things going on."

"I'm saying there are signs of a struggle. If the man has her skin under his fingernails, there is evidence that he dug his fingers into her skin. Whether that happened before or during the fall, I don't know. But I am inclined to hypothesise, based on the evidence in front of us, that this death is suspicious. What kind of problems?"

"Not my place to say. Two people fall to their deaths on a hidden path in parkland?" Korsak chuckled. "Course it's suspicious."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She clutched her medical bag so tight her fingers grew pale. She knew it wasn't Korsak's fault for not knowing. "All I can tell you is what I can see, Detective Korsak."

"We'll have them brought to BPD for autopsy."

x

The two bodies took up most of Maura's day. The burrito lunch was a welcomed break from intestinal gases and suspicious cuts. It was the only break she had, and it was the difference between eating and skipping lunch. By the end of the day, she sent her report to Detective Korsak and left the office.

"Alejandro." Maura gripped the steering wheel, her attention fixed on the road ahead. "I'm going to be home late."

"How late?" he asked, his voice crackled through the in-car system.

"I'm concerned about Jane."

"I'll sleep at the house."

"You don't need to." The phone line crackled as he breathed. "Jane and I are not together."

"I didn't say so." Isabeau shouted something in the background. "But you and Jane have no time frame."

"What do you mean?"

"You go to Jane after I leave and you stay several days."

"I don't intend on staying overnight again."

"You don't intend doesn't mean you don't."

She pulled up at a stop sign. "Alejandro, please don't push me towards her again."

"Wasn't gonna, you said yourself relationship is intense. You don't see intense in normal friends. You push yourself."

"I embarrassed her." She turned round the corner and sped up along the road. "She's probably hiding."

"Don't let her hide too long."

"That's why I'm going to be late." Taking a left, she drove along the street by the park near Jane's house. "I'm nearly there. I should be home in a couple of hours."

"No rushing. I take Beau to Ramone's in case you late."

"I think that would be wise."

A few minutes later, Maura knocked rapidly on Jane's door. Her car was in the driveway, which meant she had to be home. Maura rapped her knuckles across the glass in the door. Silence. Maura hesitated. She walked across the front window and peered in through the glass. She unhooked the latch on the side gate and headed into the yard, checking every window she passed.

To no avail. She dialled Jane's cell, but it rang out a couple of times before going to voicemail.

Maura climbed back into her car and started the engine. She banged her palms on the steering wheel, and heaved a sigh. She put the car into drive and set off down the street. She drove past the park.

"The park," she said, taking a quick left and turning into the parking lot. She switched off the engine and locked the door, rushing off through a crowd of children towards the pond.

A few metres away, Maura's heart leapt into her throat. Jane stood by the railing, pulling apart a flower, handing petals to Charlie who tossed them into the wind. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, her lips curved into the most ridiculous of smiles. Maura let out a breath, unaware that she'd been holding it. She stepped forward. Backtracking slightly.

She glanced away. Her heart raced. The unfamiliarity of her feelings overwhelmed her. In many ways, she didn't want Alejandro to be right. She'd longed for a friend like Jane and somehow it had progressed so something far larger than she knew. She closed her eyes and rushed off across the grass away from them.

The house was still deserted when she returned. She parked up beside Jane's car on the driveway and climbed out. It was nearing Charlie's bedtime. They had to be home soon. She perched on the front step, her purse on the floor beside her. She became so engrossed in an eBook on her phone that she didn't notice Jane arrive home. A groan grew louder until Maura lifted her head. Charlie stood on the sidewalk, his arm outstretched, his face lit up. Jane's shoulders lifted up then dropped suddenly. She pursed her lips; her eyes caught Maura's.

"Good evening, Detective Rizzoli." Maura stood up, slipping her cell phone into her purse. "Hello, Charlie."

Jane stepped back, her eyebrows pulled together. "What?"

"I didn't expect to see you here."

"Sure." Jane laughed. "I only live here."

"Is Charlie okay?" She walked forward, cautious with every step. Charlie clutched Jane's hand at her side. "Are you?"

Jane shrugged. "Sure. Why wouldn't we be?"

"It's been a week."

"So?"

"We've spent so much time together recently."

"We're friends," Jane said. "Sometimes we'll see each other frequently and the rest of the time it'll be every so often."

"Right." Several different emotions swirled around her stomach. She leant forward, desperate to touch Jane's arm, to feel closer to her. To do something. At no point had Jane made any feelings obvious, sending doubts into her mind. She rocked back on her heels. " _Just friends._ "

The words sat between them. Maura didn't even know why she said it. She busied herself with a strand of cotton coming from the seam of her dress. She could feel Jane's eyes on her. Her cheeks flushed.

Jane reached out, her fingers landed on Maura's wrist. "Look, I've gotta get inside. It's nearly Chuck's bedtime. It was nice seeing you."

"Yes." Maura stood rooted to the spot. A gentle gust of wind blew Jane's hair backward. She crouched down in front of Charlie, a smile spread across her face. He wrapped his arms around her neck and she lifted him up. Maura turned around and walked towards her car. She didn't really know what she set out to achieve, or why she even went there, but her heart ached and she felt a deep seeded sense of sorrow.

The front door closed behind them. Maura leant against her car, her heart pounding with every harried breath. She gripped the door handle at her side, fumbling with it, but she couldn't get it to open. She sighed and took her keys from her purse.

"Wait!" Jane sprinted the few feet across the front yard, stopping abruptly in front of Maura. "Did you mean that…that we're just friends?"

"I…I don't know."

Jane licked her lips, her eyes danced across Maura's mouth. "I hate that I'm so bad at this."

"At what?"

"This." Jane filled the space between them, linking her little finger with Maura's. "You. Me. It wasn't fair of me to not respond to your messages this past week."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"You struggle with people who want to be close."

"Ha." Jane inched closer. "Yeah."

"That's not it?"

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?"

"That depends."

"On?"

Her chest felt restricted. Every breath was locked in a box of emotion. Maura stared into her eyes, lost in her soul. "On what you're referring to."

"I didn't mean to." Jane closed her eyes. "I can't help feeling something more than friendship."

"Okay." The last of her breaths escaped, leaving Maura with a pounding chest and no words to speak. She chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes fixed on Jane's, waiting patiently until she opened them again.

"Chuck's on his own," she said, turning away. "I'd best get in. Talk soon."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author Note : We're nearing the end of this story. For various reasons, I decided that there is just too much to fit into one. Jane's story is another story to tell, a bigger story to tell. It wouldn't be right to tell it all from Maura's POV.**

 **I've been out tonight watching my cousin do a dance show, which she helped choreograph. It was phenomenal. She's only just turned 18 and the school she's at, her and her classmates, did an amazing job. Thankfully I still had time to finish off my chapter!**

 **Unfortunately tomorrow will be more challenging as I won't be catching public transport and I'm working late. Boo!**

* * *

Maura gripped Jane's arm, stopping her in her tracks. Her heart pounded against her rib cage. Butterflies swarmed in her stomach, swirling around so fast she felt sickly. Jane turned, a small crease formed between her eyebrows. Their eyes locked and Maura's attempt to hold herself together crumbled.

"I'm going to kiss you now." She leant in. Jane's lips parted, as though she was about to speak. Maura closed the gap, silencing her before she could begin. She tilted her head, merging her lips with Jane's. She lifted her fingers up to Maura's chin, responding to the movement. Maura closed her eyes and settled into the embrace, her hands trailed along Jane's hips. She stepped back, her forehead still resting against Jane's. "I didn't realise how long I've wanted to do that for."

Jane's eyes danced from Maura's to the side. She twisted round, her gaze drifted off down the street. Their fingers interlinked between them. Jane stepped back until only the tips were touching. "I've gotta get back to Charlie."

"Okay." Maura waited for her to leave. The door closed behind her and Maura's heart felt like it was going to burst. She rested her hand against her cheek and breathed heavily. She spun round. Her cheeks ached as she climbed back into her car. It occurred to her that she should feel disappointed by the brevity of the moment, but she wasn't sure she could contain much more of Jane in that second.

On the journey back home, she dialled Jane's number, desperate to hear her voice again, if only for a moment.

No answer.

She was probably with Charlie. She pressed one on her speed dial. A moment later, Alejandro whispered a greeting.

"I kissed Jane."

"What say?"

Maura laughed. "I _kissed_ her. She said she felt something more than friendship so I kissed her."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Just kiss? Nothing more?"

"We _kissed_!" She gripped the steering wheel tightly, her smile reached her eyes. "Isn't that enough?"

"For now." He went silent. Maura opened her mouth to speak when he cut her off. "I hate to tell you so."

"You mean you hate to say you told me so?"

"Yes. That."

"You don't hate it," she said, pressing her lips together to control her grin. "I didn't know it could feel this way."

"You like her."

Maura sighed. "I didn't know that I did. I honestly didn't believe it was true. Until it was."

"I can hear your smile."

She rolled her eyes, her smile never faltering. "I'll see you tomorrow. Is Beau okay?"

"She's sleeping. She misses Mommy but she's okay."

"Good." She slowed down at a stop light. "Thank you, Alejandro. Thank you for understanding and stepping up."

"All time."

x

"Detective Korsak, you wanted to speak to me," Maura said, approaching his desk. She glanced quickly behind her at Jane.

Jane stood up, her expression flat. "Doing the coffee run."

Maura's eyebrows tugged together. She opened her mouth to speak, turning to Jane, but she'd already reached the door.

"I had some questions about the autopsies." Korsak opened the file. "The marks on the woman's legs."

"I think they're tribal markings." Maura leaned over the file. "Do you see how they form shapes?"

"She's white."

"Yes. There are many reasons for the markings."

"Which are?"

"I'm not the detective." She took the photo and placed it on the desk, pointing out the next one. "This one concerns me. I have a contact at BCU if you need a consult."

"That's probably a good idea, thank you, Doctor Isles."

x

Back down in her office, Maura stared at her cellphone. She'd sent a couple of messages the night before and Jane hadn't responded. It was natural to assume she was probably busy with her son. The very abrupt moment in the office had no real explanation and that puzzled her.

'Good morning, Jane, can you please come down to see me?'

'Sorry. Busy.'

'Not too busy to get coffee.'

'Team needs coffee.'

'Jane.'

'What?'

'Are you avoiding me after yesterday?'

'I told you I'm busy.'

'If I ask Korsak will he agree?'

'You don't believe me?'

'Yesterday we kissed and it was wonderful. I expected you to at least talk to me today.'

'I didn't ask you to kiss me.'

'You didn't refuse.' She wrote another message immediately and sent it. 'You didn't want to?'

The quick messages stopped. Maura attempted to direct her attention to her paperwork, but her mind drifted back to her phone every few moments.

Eventually it lit up again.

'Charlie's birthday is next week. I'm sure he'd love for Isabeau to come to his party.'

x

"We've got a twenty-six year old male, gunshot wound to the head. Officers arrived after reports of gunshots but he was DOA." Jane slipped her notebook into her pocket. "Should be a quick one."

"Hardly." Maura could feel her frustration growing. She followed Jane into the apartment. "Are we ever going to talk?"

"He's lost a lot of blood." Jane opened the door to the bedroom. The bedsheets were caked in a thick red substance. She didn't like to guess, but she could smell iron. "No sign of forced entry or anyone else present."

"The open window isn't a sign of someone else being present?" Maura sighed. "Ignoring my questions won't change anything."

"I'm not ignoring your questions." Jane crossed her arms and stood by the door. "The window was open when I arrived. I'm yet to determine whether we have officers going against the rules, or the potential for someone to enter the building."

"It's good to see you're cracking down on people who jeopardise cases." Maura snapped on a pair of gloves. She laid her medical bag on an empty chair beside Jane and took out some evidence bags and a pair of tweezers. "Photos have been completed?"

"Yeah."

She leant forward and pulled a long stray hair off the victim's hand, untangling it from around the gun. "I'm loathed to consider this suicide until we know for sure. If only for the family."

"There's a note."

"Has anyone handled it?" Maura placed the hair into a bag. "The gun is in his left hand."

"Lefty, gotcha."

She cleared her throat. Her resolve crumbled, leaving her with no choice but to force herself to keep it in. "I miss you."

Jane's voice disappeared as she spoke. "There's a chance he's not though, right? He could be right handed."

"Yes." She stood up and glanced out of the window. They were three storeys up. The bright blue sky was clearly visible from above the eye-line of nearby buildings. She headed towards the door, pushing the bag into Jane's hands as she headed out of the door. "Isabeau will be at the party."

x

The balloons directed them around the side of the house and into the yard. Maura clutched Isabeau's hand and a present in her other arm. She didn't really know what to expect, considering Jane appeared a loner, and Charlie didn't socialise with other children. On the other side of the gate, six children were running around while Jane squirted them with the hosepipe. Charlie sat in the middle, giggling as water rained down upon him.

"Happy Birthday, Charlie." Maura shouted. She placed his present on the assigned table. Jane dropped the hose on the floor, then reached down and turned it off. She picked Charlie up and carried him across the yard. She placed him on a chair beside a table filled with drinks.

"Look it's Maura and Beau!"

Maura crouched down in front of him, her hands on the arms of the chair. He reached forward and wrapped his arms around her neck, burrowing his face against her shoulder. She ran her hand across the back of his shirt. Tears crept into her eyes. "I hope you have a wonderful party."

Isabeau stripped down to her swimwear and ran into the group, now being sprayed by a man Maura recognised from the police department. She wondered how many people Jane knew outside of work, whether any of the children were all practically strangers to her son.

She sat on the side lines, drinking water and filling a cup for Isabeau any time she ran over. She handed her snacks, slathered her in sunscreen, and watched her laughing with the children around her. A far cry from her own experiences.

After the cake, Maura wandered into the kitchen. Charlie sat at the table colouring. "Do you need help?"

Jane lifted her head about to respond. When she saw Maura, she shrugged. "It's fine."

"The weather's perfect."

"Yeah."

Maura stepped up beside her and moved plates of cake onto the table, clearing space for more as a woman, who introduced herself as Bet, came in and distributed it.

She forged a smile. "Thanks."

"I wish you wouldn't treat me like this," Maura said.

She pushed a plate towards Maura. "You want cake?"

"I want you to talk to me."

Jane placed the plate on the counter and cleaned up the knife. She moved across the kitchen. Her calmness unsettled Maura. She could feel herself become overwhelmed with emotions. Everything she wished to say was being shut down and she couldn't handle it any further.

"It's good," Jane said, holding out the plate again.

" _Stop_!" Maura shouted, pushing her hand out. The plate toppled out of Jane's hand and cake smashed onto the floor, the paper plate landed on top. "I'm sick of you treating me like I'm just another person. You can't tell me you think of me as more than a friend and then ignore me when I kiss you. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

Jane shrugged and reached down to clean up the cake.

"Why won't you speak to me?" Maura crouched down beside her. She rested her hand on Jane's knee. "Please talk to me."

" _No_!" Jane snapped, standing up so abruptly it knocked Maura off balance. She tumbled onto her butt. "I'm sick of you pushing me, Maura. I don't owe you a damn thing. All you've ever done since we met is push me. We work together. You're barely a friend. You did a nice thing, that's all. We hardly know each other, and right now you're verging on a stalker."

A lump formed in Maura's throat. She could feel herself wobble as tears built up in her eyes. "I'm going to go."

"Okay."

"I suppose I'll see you at work."

"Fine."

She rushed out into the garden, her heart pounding so fast she could barely breathe. She rushed through the water, not caring as it soaked through her summer dress, and gripped her daughter's hand. "Come on, Isabeau."

"But Charlie!" she shouted, tugging Maura back.

She lifted her up into her arms. "We have to go."

"Can we come tomorrow?"

"No."

"Next day?"

"No."

"After next day?"

"No, Isabeau." Her bark was much worse than she anticipated, so much so that she regretted it the second she spoke. Isabeau shook her head and wriggled. "We probably won't see Charlie again."

She started to wail, kicking her arms and legs out with such force Maura thought she might drop her. "I want Charlie!"

"We're leaving." She rested her over her shoulder and held her tighter. She stepped back into the house, leaning down to kiss Charlie on the head. "Goodbye, Charlie. Enjoy the rest of your birthday."

Cups clattered across the draining board. Maura glanced back at Jane, any further words lost in the frustration of her washing the cups. She opened her mouth but nothing came to mind. She felt sorrow. A deep seeded pain.

"Come on, Beau," she said, headed towards the front door.

Out of nowhere, the smallest of voices travelled across the room. "No. Stay."

Maura lowered Isabeau onto the floor. Her hands shook. She turned around. Charlie sat at the table, his eyes fixed on Maura. His lips curved in the largest smile.

The clattering had stopped. Jane stared at them. Maura's face lit up and she walked over. Jane's eyes filled with tears. Her eyes stopped on Maura's. Her whole body shook. Maura reached out, words escaped her, but she needed Jane to know how much it meant.

As if she wasn't even there, Jane pushed past her and ran up the stairs.

* * *

 **Author Note : I'm sorry. Don't be too hard on Jane. She has her reasons, even if you don't understand them.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author Notes** **: Thank you so much to each and every one of you. The response to this fic has been huge, much bigger than I anticipated. I wasn't sure where it would go, and though at times it has been a struggle, I am so glad to finally reach the end. It'll be sad to see it go, but I do have a sequel planned. I just hope you like that as much, too.**

* * *

Maura walked up the stairs, one foot after the other, cautious in her pursuit. She hoped to comfort a friend, but in reality she knew she was walking into a lion's den. Maybe the lion was asleep, oblivious to the potential pray. Or maybe it was prepared, already smelling blood. The door was ajar. She didn't knock. It was already too big a risk, it was all or nothing. She had nothing left to lose.

A head of dark curls was visible above the side of the bed. Jane sobbed loudly, her shoulders shook with every gasp.

Maura rushed around the bed, crouching on the floor beside Jane. She kept her distance. Jane turned her head, her eyes red and her cheeks puffed up. Maura held her arms out and Jane fell into them. Her breathing was laboured, her chest heaved. She clung to Maura, her wet cheeks pushed against the crook of her neck.

"I'm sorry." She lifted her head up, her chin on Maura's shoulder. "I understand if you hate me."

"I don't hate you." Maura sat back slightly, her arms still tucked around Jane's waist. "Why would you think that?"

"Charlie _spoke_." She stared into Maura's eyes. "I can't remember the last time he said anything. He likes you. He wants you around."

"But you don't." Maura sighed. It hurt. She couldn't deny the pain in her heart. But she cared about Jane too much to just leave her there.

" _No_." Jane untangled herself from her and stood up. Maura stood opposite her, ready to flee. She swallowed the threat of tears. She moved to turn away, when Jane stepped forward, her fingertips ran across her cheeks, her mouth collided with Maura's. It was brief. Too brief. Maura lowered her head. "All I want is for you to be around."

She lifted her gaze, her eyes fixed on Jane's. Fresh tears skirted down her cheeks. She tried to breath, but her breath caught in her throat.

"I'm _alone_ , Maura." She dropped onto the bed, her feet pushed against the carpet. "I've been alone for so long. It was me. Then it was me and Charlie. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be with you, to let you in. I don't know how to allow myself the one thing I've craved for a long time."

Maura knelt down on the floor, her hands on Jane's knees. The pain shifted, replaced with a sense of hope. She placed a hand on Jane's cheek. "I don't expect you to jump straight into marriage and children. I don't expect you to give me your heart."

Lowering her head, resting it against Maura's. Jane choked back tears. "You already have it. I hate it, I hate that I feel so out of control. It's amazing. But I hate how it makes me doubt everything, how it makes me doubt myself. You own part of me that I've never let go of before, and some days I can't breathe when I think about our future. I don't want to dwell on the past; I can't help it. I'm not good enough for you."

"There's so much I don't know," Maura said, perching on the bed beside her. She wrapped her arms around her waist. Jane clung to her, her breathing harried against her cheek. "But I want to know you. I want you to feel like you can trust me. You're good enough for me, Jane. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think we should be together. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Maybe one day you'll feel able to explain."

"You were going to leave."

"I was upset."

"How do I do this without breaking everyone's hearts?" Jane pressed her palms against her eyes. "The thought of hurting you is too much. I don't know how to make you happy, and keep my demons away."

"One day at a time." Maura brushed a strand of hair back behind Jane's ear and cupped her cheek. She turned her face to meet her own. "However slow this needs to go, I'm here for it. If you'll just give me a chance."

"I, I can't breathe."

"If you're not ready," Maura pulled away again. She shifted across the bed, putting space between them. "I won't push you."

She stood. A wave of emotions flooded her system, too much variety to handle in one go. She gave Jane's shoulder a squeeze and turned away.

"No." Jane pulled her back onto the bed, her hands around her waist. She captured her lips, her tongue slipped between Maura's. She put her hand down beside Jane, holding herself steady. She sat down, tangling her fingers up in Jane's hair, deepening the kiss. Jane pulled back, her chest heaved with every breath. "I want to. Oh God, I want this so badly. I just hope you'll be patient with me."

She sandwiched Jane's hands between her own on Jane's lap. "As long as it takes."

x

 **Two** **weeks** **later**

"Pass me the lettuce," Jane said, leaning over the counter.

Maura picked up the bag and handed it over. "Where's the sauces?"

"Top cupboard above the toaster, on the left." Jane emptied the bag into a bowl and tossed the dressing, leaves, pepper, onions and feta together. "Charlie used to eat ketchup straight out the bottle; I always put it out of reach now."

Maura scrunched up her face. "That's revolting."

Jane shrugged. "What can I say? He's my kid!"

"You used to do the same?"

"No!" Jane laughed. "Maybe a little when I was a toddler. My Ma left me alone at the table one day when she had to clean up after my brothers. She came back to me covered in sauce."

Maura pursed her lips; a small smile crept onto her face. She sighed. "You've never spoken about your family before."

Jane shrugged. "There's not much to say."

"I don't believe that." Jane's eyebrows tugged together. "I can see it on your face when you're hiding your pain."

Jane closed her eyes, clutching the counter. "There's a lot to say. Too much for five minutes."

Picking up a plate of burgers and sausages, Maura squeezed Jane's shoulder, trailing her hand across her arm. "Maybe another day."

"Thank you." Jane took the salad from the counter and placed it on a tray with the sauces. "The kids are very quiet out there!"

"Knowing Isabeau, she'll probably be sat on the hosepipe."

Jane laughed as they carried the food out into the yard. Maura placed the burgers and sausages beside the barbecue and opened up the lid. She laid each item one by one onto the grate; they sizzled as the fat heated up.

"Stop squirting Charlie with the hosepipe, Beau!" Maura shouted over the top of the grill.

"No!" he shouted, opening his mouth. The water splashed over his face.

Jane handed Maura a glass of wine. "I don't know if he'll ever recover from the fire."

Maura slipped a hand around her waist and placed a peck on her lips. "Thanks. Has he still not said anything more?"

"No." Jane rolled her eyes. "Typical kid that the first word he says again is no. Do you want breakfast? No. What does a duck say? No. What are you doing? No."

"He'll say more eventually."

"I hope so, now I know why Ma hated me saying no so much."

Maura glanced at the children. Isabeau ran round and round Charlie as he sprayed her with the hose. She giggled uncontrollably until she fell on the grass. Maura placed her glass on the table and took Jane's hand, pulling her back into the house.

"Where are we going?"

In the living room, Maura captured her lips, twisting her hands up in Jane's hair. Jane responded quickly, deepening the kiss. She trailed her hands down Maura's hips and across her back. Maura leant so close their bodies collided, her breath became labored.

"What was that for?" Jane chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes fixed on Maura's.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Talking about your family."

Jane raised an eyebrow and smirked. "If that's the reaction I get maybe I'll be more open."

"Don't joke," Maura said. "I know it's hard. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate it."

"You're making it really difficult," Jane whispered, stepping between Maura's legs, her thigh pushed against Maura's body. She leant in, her lips brushed against Maura's. "I don't normally wait this long."

"How long?"

"Same night." Maura frowned. Jane kissed her again, her lips trailed across her mouth. "It's the only way to avoid becoming attached."

"I guess I got through your wall."

"You knocked it down and built a new one behind you." Jane sighed against her mouth. She stepped back, her hand over her eyes. "My last relationship was in high school."

"Okay." Maura tugged her hand away, clutching her fingers tightly between them.

"That's all you have to say?"

"I don't care about your past," Maura said. "You could be a virgin, with no experience with anyone, and I would still love you as much as I do."

" _Love_?" Jane's eyes bugged.

Maura grinned. She cupped her cheek again. "Don't look so worried. Maybe not that kind of love…not yet."

"Good, cause that's way too soon." She shrugged. "But I love you the other way, too."

A loud clatter and a smash travelled in from outside. Maura looked at Jane, who looked at Maura.

"I definitely think our next date night should include Alejandro," Maura said.

"Huh?'"

Maura shook her head, chuckling. "Babysitting. He should babysit so we can make out like high schoolers without fear of interruption."

Jane's lips curved so wide they quickly reached the corners of her eyes. She gripped Maura's hand and tugged her toward the door. "There's always later, when the kids are asleep."

"We're staying over?"

Jane shrugged. "Do you want to stay over?"

She wrapped her arms around Jane's waist as they continued out into the yard. Isabeau stood by the table, the burgers scattered across the floor. Maura leaned in close to Jane. "Let's make sandwiches, it'll be quicker."


End file.
